


Rain

by kittyjensen



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Annie Leonhart - Freeform, Armin Arlert - Freeform, Bertolt Hoover - Freeform, Connie Springer - Freeform, Eren JÄGER - Freeform, Eren Yaeger - Freeform, Eren Yeager - Freeform, Erwin Smith - Freeform, F/M, Hanji - Freeform, Jean Kierstein - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Marco Bodt - Freeform, POV Jean Kirstein, POV Original Character, Sasha Blouse - Freeform, Sasha Braus - Freeform, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Zoe Hanji - Freeform, attack on titan - Freeform, historia reiss - Freeform, jean kirstein - Freeform, krista lenz - Freeform, mikasa ackerman - Freeform, reiner braun - Freeform, ymir - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 26,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26761612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyjensen/pseuds/kittyjensen
Summary: Sana Rehman comes from a long line of famous military personal that have protected the citizens of Paradis from the blood-thirsty titans for years, and now it is her turn to join. She joins the 107th training division after the fall of Wall Maria and is thrown into a world of titans, revenge, and sorrow. Her goal is to liberate the people trapped in the walls and explore the world outside. With Jean Kirstein at her side, she is an unstoppable force on the outside, but the inside she is riddled with guilt and self doubt, not to mention deep feelings for those around her.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

I folded my newly tailored cadet’s uniform into my rectangular suitcase, inside were linen shirts, pairs of wool pants, and undergarments that I had already packed. Today I was finally leaving Wall Sina for the first time. I had lived within the wall’s southern district, Ehrmich, all of my life, only leaving to travel with my mother to Mitras, the capital city, for Military Police duties. My mother, Commandant Amal Rehman, held power over the entire southern hemisphere of Paradis; she answered only to Commander Dok, the Premier, and the king – at times she would blatantly ignore Commander Dok if she believed she was right.

  
My mother and I had a strained relationship. She was always so incredibly busy with Military Police work that she barely had time to spend with her kids, and I feel like she resented me because I always favored my uncle and her brother, Rasa. She was much older than him, being that she was the oldest out of seven children and he was the youngest, and when they were growing up, she felt like she had to raise him due to her parents being busy with military business.

  
Rasa, like my mother, had joined the military, but instead of joining the Military Police, he decided he wanted to break free of the walls holding us and joined the Scout Regiment. I remember when I was a little girl, my mother screamed at Rasa for hours when he had told her he was not joining the Military Police. He was in the top ten of his class, and only the top ten were allowed to join the MPs. I remember her yelling at Rasa saying that she had a high ranking position lined up for him in Mitras when he graduated from the cadets, and he essentially spit in her face when he said he joined the Scouts. He didn’t actually spit on her, but my mother was dramatic.

  
I placed a leather bound book between my spare cadet uniforms, it was Rasa’s journal and letters he had sent to me over his years in the Scouts; he knew that I was always fascinated about life outside of the walls, so he would regale me with tales of killing titans and what the outside world was like. The last letter that I had ever received from him said that he and the Scout Regiment were going to retake Wall Maria from the titans who had broken through two years ago . . . He never returned home from that mission. We were devastated; the only surviving member of the mission was Commander Shadis. Shadis told us that Rasa assumed command over the regiment when Shadis was incapacitated due to mental breakdown; they had fought waves of titans for two days straight, and after trying to assure the safety of his teammates, Rasa became too exhausted to fight anymore and allowed himself to be bait so that Shadis could escape. Shadis said he didn’t hear Rasa cry or scream when the titan picked him up, just the cracking of bones and disturbing silence.

  
Shadis now lead the cadets, so I would be seeing him once again very soon.


	2. Chapter 2

After traveling for over a day, the wagon I had been riding in with my fellow classmates arrived at the Training Corps. Rain beat down on the covered wagon, and the light from massive bonfires illuminated the inky black night. The darkness and the rain brought back the memories of Shadis riding up to my family’s home in Ehrmich on a black horse, blood still caked on his white shirt and tan jacket; his eyes were wide and his face was blank as he told my mother, father, and grandparents what had happened to Rasa. I secretly listened from behind the door as my family was notified of Rasa’s death in full detail. At the time, nobody knew that I was there listening, because my mother told me and my sister that Rasa had died while on an expedition, simple as that – I had slipped up a few months ago when I expressed that I wanted to join the military to make sure Rasa’s brave actions and selfless death weren’t in vain, information that I wasn’t supposed to know.

  
The wagon stopped at the entrance to the camp, and the other riders began to pickup their suitcases in order to disembark. I pulled the hood of my cloak over my head and picked up my suitcases as well, I disembarked the wagon and followed the group to the entrance of the camp. Two officers stood post at the gate, one shouted, “Girls to the right and boys to the left!” He pointed at the two large cabins where we would be living for the next three years; I would be freshly 16 years old when I graduated.

  
I forked my path to the right, approaching a warmly lit cabin that had a few girls already standing on the sheltered porch chatting amongst themselves. As I approached the cabin, some of the girls began to stare at me. Feeling unwelcomed, I shook the hood of my cloak off my head, and smiled at them as I ascended the steps, “Hi.”

  
A blonde girl, stared at me inquisitively, and I knew exactly what she was thinking: where is this girl from?

  
I was used to this in Ehrmich; back home, there was a small enclave of Mid-Eastern people that lived in the city. Nobody knows how we got there, but when I asked my grandfather, he claimed that he was a part of a military operation from another country far away that snuck into Paradis in order to kill the royal family, but they were stranded here and just decided to blend in. He would always tell my sister and I these insane stories that we couldn’t tell if they were made up or if they were real. My mother always told me that we arrived to Paradis right before the titans did and that’s why people think we’re evil because we brought doom to the country. My grandfather says he came here 30 years after the walls went up, and that he and his squad had to fight off titans as they went over the walls. At this point I realized he was lying to me. The only thing that I know is true about my grandfather is that he invented ODM gear, even though he claimed he just brought it with him 50 years ago and was a mechanic.

  
I looked nothing like my peers; I had tanned, olive skin, dark and thick hair, and dark eyes along with a hooked nose – the bullies I had to deal with would refuse to speak to me like a human being, they would make bird calls at me because “my nose looked like a bird’s beak”. I had no friends in Ehrmich; no parents would let their children be around people like me because they thought that we would use them as titan bait or that we controlled the titans. It doesn’t make sense, but it gave parents a reason to not let their children be friends with me or my cousins.

  
Sensing the awkward silence that I had created among the group of girls, I chuckled, trying to diffuse it, “Um, I’m Sana, from Ehrmich.”

  
A brunette girl happily greeted me, “Hi Sana! I’m Sasha.”

“Oh cool!” I laughed, feeling less tense, “Sasha is my sister’s name too.”

  
Oh god, please let me make friends here.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning at dawn, all prospective cadets were instructed to line up in rows on the training grounds in uniform. Commandant Shadis stood at the front of the row; he looked like he aged twenty years in two years, he was now bald and had heavy circles underneath his eyes. His voice boomed, confident and sure unlike the last time I had seen him, “Straighten up those spines, piss-ants!” About half the crowd adjusted their posture and became tense. “The 104th cadet corps bootcamp starts now! Allow me to introduce myself, I’m commandant Keith Shadis, and you will grow to hate me. Training is going to be a white-knuckle ride through hell. If I’ve done my job, you’ll be waking up in a cold sweat from memories of this place every night for the rest of your miserable lives. Right now, you’re nothing, livestock, but over the next three, soul-crushing years, you’ll learn to stake down your own Goliath. Remember this moment when you come face to face with him, because here’s where you ask yourself: am I a fighter or am I feed? Am I going to be ground up to pulpy human gristle between boulder size incisors or am I going to be the one to bite?”

Shadis weaved through the rows of recruits, looking for somebody who he could torment. He stopped in front of a short boy with blonde hair cut into a bowl cut, and yelled, “Hey mop-top!”

The boy replied, placing his fist over his hear, “Yes sir!”

“What do they call you, maggot?” Shadis leaned over the blonde boy, intimidating him.

“Armin Arlert from Shiganshina, sir!” he shouted, still trying to not quake in fear.

The Commandant laughed, “Wow, seriously? Why’d your parents curse you with such a dumb name?” I snorted, and Shadis’ small, dark eyes glared at me. Shit, I was next.

“It was my grandfather’s, sir!” Armin replied, proudly.

Shadis held his face directly in front of Armin’s. “Cadet Arlert, why is a runt like you here?” he shouted.

“TO HELP HUMANITY OVERCOME THE TITANS!” Armin yelled, shaking all the way to his bones.

Shadis laughed, “That is delightful to hear. You’re going to be a great light snack for them!” He grabbed Armin’s head, turning him around to face the rest of his row. Then, the Commandant carefully strolled between the rows of tweens to almost the very back, where I was standing. Shadis stared down at me like he was about to set me on fire. “Who are you?” he shouted in my face, trying to intimidate me.

He knew the answer to that question the moment he laid eyes on me. I saw a twinge of emotion in his intense eyes, and something changed about him. He was remembering his final mission with Rasa.

“I am Sana Rehman from Ehrmich, sir!” I shouted, placing my fist over my heart.

Shadis mumbled under his breath, “Son of a bitch, I can’t escape you people,” and then loudly exclaimed, “Everyone see here, this maggot is the direct descendent of the creator of your ODM gear. This family has produced the best of the best soldiers over the years! Why are you here, Rehman?”

I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat, I had been dreading this question. Shadis was not going to like my answer, but I replied in a less confident voice, “To prove that Captain Rasa Rehman didn’t die for nothing!”

Shadis’ eyes grew larger and his scowl softened. The crowd was silent. Everybody knew about Rasa and what had happened to him and why Shadis left the Scouts, but nobody talked about it. “Turn around,” he snarled.

I turned to face the row behind me, and in front of me was a tall boy with dusty brown hair and a long face. He stared down at me in disbelief at how I had just acted towards Shadis.

Shadis took notice of the boy in shock, “What are you slack-jawed about, horse-face?”

“Nothing, sir!” he replied, saluting the officer.

Shadis shouted, “What do they call you?”

“My name is Jean Kirstein, sir! From Trost District!” Jean yelled proudly.

“And why are you here Cadet?” Commandant yelled, making Jean stiffen up.

Jean replied, unsure, “To join the Military Police, sir. The best of the best.” Sweat dripped down Jean’s brow, and I could see him shaking.

Shadis laughed, “That’s nice. You want to live in the interior, like Rehman, don’t ya?”

Jean’s face softened, “Yes.” He replied, and then Shadis rammed his forehead into Jean’s, causing him to fall to the dirt clutching his head.

“No one told you to sit down, recruit!” Shadis screamed. “if you can’t handle this, Kirstein, then forget about joining the Military Police.”

Night had fallen on the first day of training, and I was waiting outside of the mailroom to see if I had gotten a reply from the letter I had sent my parents yesterday. It was cold, and I had my arms crossed over my chest as I leaned against the wooden building.

“Hey,” the voice of Jean said from behind me, much softer than how he was speaking earlier in the day.

I turned around to face him, still leaning against the building, and replied, unsure as to why he was talking to me, “Hey, what’s up?”

“So, I, um, I wanted to talk to you” he said rubbing the back of his neck. “Shadis said you were a Rehman? Like, _the_ Rehmans. I wanted to know if you knew Amal Rehman?”

I chuckled, “Well, yeah, she’s my mom.”

His hazel eyes widened, “Wait, really?” he asked in shock, and I nodded my head. “So why are you all the way out here? I mean, you live in the interior, why are you . . . _here_?”

“Like I said earlier,” I shrugged, “I wanted to make sure that my uncle’s death wasn’t for nothing.” I checked over my shoulder, and the mail room attendant was still in the back searching through the post to find my letter.

Jean smirked, “So that’s why Shadis is soft on you.”

“Well, he and my uncle were on their final mission together, and I guess he feels bad for being the only survivor,” I huffed. “We all know why Shadis left the Scouts. He feels like he owes my family a debt because Rasa sacrificed himself to save him. Why are you here, Jean?”

His face softened, “To join the Military Police.”

I chuckled, “Really? They’re honestly not all their cracked up to be. The lower ranking officers are lazy dicks and the high-ranking officers are too busy to do anything but work.”

The mail room attendant came back to the counter, explaining, “Sorry Rehman, nothing today.” He looked at Jean, “Kirstein, you’ve got about three packages of stuff from Trost, give me a second and I’ll find them.” He disappeared back into the storeroom.

I teased, “Oh wow, you must have a girlfriend back in the city sending you tons of presents.”

Jean’s face became red, and his eyes darted around refusing to look at me. “No,” he stammered, “It’s stuff from my mom, she thinks I need more clothes and food.” I chuckled, and he seemed to relax a bit and not become as embarrassed, “I was actually a fat little kid until a year ago, so nobody liked me.”

I scanned him up and down, and replied, “Yeah, I could see that.”

Jean laughed, “Hey! You’re not supposed to agree with me.”

“You’re tall and skinny now, so what’s it matter,” I teased.

Jean chuckled, “God you’re such a shithead . . . in a good way.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously again, “So, if you want to, you can always sit with Marco and me at meal times; we noticed that you always sit by yourself and I, we, would love to have you hang out with us.”

My heart pounded, “Really? Yeah,” I said flustered, “Yeah, I’d love to.”


	4. Chapter 4

I walked with my classmates to the training grounds; for our second day in the training corps, we would be testing our aptitude with ODM gear. My classmates were ecstatic to try their hands at the gear, I on the other hand, could not care any less; I had been using and testing ODM gear since I was five years old. Honestly, I felt more comfortable while in my gear than without it.

The regiment gathered in out rows as we waited for Shadis. Seeing Shadis made me uncomfortable. I will never forget the blood caked on his uniform or the metallic smell that lingered from him that day; his eyes expressed an emotion I couldn’t put words to. He had seen the horrors of this world and was powerless to do anything about it. I know he treats me differently, and everybody else knows that too. The second I spoke the name Rehman, every single cadet knew who I was and who I was related to and why Shadis was here.

Shadis stood next to the ODM training stations. He cleared his throat, and then announced, “It’s aptitude test time so listen up! There is no place for you here if you cannot perform. Fail, and be shipped to the fields.” Shadis’ eyes narrowed onto me, “Rehman, show these maggots how it’s done.”

“Yes sir!” I said, jogging to the training station.

“Our assistants will hook you into the station, just stand in the center,” he explained. I stood in the center of the wooden platform with my legs apart, the assistants quickly strapped me into the harness and rushed to the sides of the structure ready to lift me off the ground. “Lift her,” Shadis instructed. The assistants pulled the levy’s and I was lifted off the ground. My arms and legs were relaxed but my back and abdomen were straight. I could feel everybody staring at me. “Look at what she is doing. Notice the cables are not moving, her back is straight and she’s relaxed. I guarantee none of you will ever reach the level of expertise Rehman is with the ODM gear, but if you can stay vertical you will not be sent home!”

I was lowered back onto the ground, and all of the cadets lined up in front of the ODM trainer stations. Shadies approached me as I was unhooking myself from the belt, “Alright, you get a perfect Rehman; I’m not even going to waste my time worrying about you,” he explained, writing onto his clipboard. “What you are going to do is assist the other cadets.”

“Yes sir,” I replied.

The training corps had gathered in the dining hall for dinner after our long day of aptitude testing. I was particularly exhausted from being forced to assist in the testing procedures. I accepted the invitation from Jean and Marco to sit with them at mealtimes. We were discussing training from this morning.

“I think that it’s really cool you got to customize your own gear!” Marco smiled.

I chuckled, “I didn’t really get a choice, my grandfather told me that I was going to have to test it while I was here so that he could write a report to the military for a design upgrade.”

“How did he even come up with the idea for ODM gear?” Jean smirked, taking a bite of bread.

I laughed, replying, “He’s got this crazy story that I feel like changes every time he tells it, so honestly, I have no idea, I just know it works.” Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Eren Yaeger, he was sitting completely still with Armin and Mikasa staring into space. “What’s up with Yaeger?” I questioned.

Jean laughed, raising an eyebrow, “You didn’t hear him?”

“No,” I was confused, “I was busy helping out. Why? What did he do?”

Jean grinned snidely as he explained to me, “So you remember how yesterday Yaeger was dead-set on killing titans in the Scouts? Well during testing he completely failed, like he couldn’t even stay upright, so he started screaming and freaking out because he’s probably going to get sent to the fields.”

“I even tried helping him, but he’s honestly a lost cause,” Marco sighed.

I had heard that Eren was from Shiganshina and had actually seen the titans the day they broke through, and that was why he wanted to join the Scouts. “Damn, that really sucks,” I huffed taking a sip of my tea.

_I stood at the shores of a great sea, the wind blew through my long, dark hair. Waves lapped against the rocky and sandy shore. The sun was setting, giving the sky a brilliant orange hue. Gulls squawked above me and the waves crashed against the cliffs surrounding me._

_Something felt wrong. My body felt like it didn’t belong to me._

_I didn’t want to move from my position, because if I did, I felt like I would set a series of events into plan that would deal unimaginable damage. I couldn’t leave this beach._

_"Captain Al-Hanan?” a deep male voice asked next to me._

_Instinctively, I looked to my left, and a young Mid-Eastern man stood next to me. His eyes were kind and he smiled at me, “Are you ready to leave for the island?”_

“Sana,” Mikasa whispered centimeters from my ear, shaking me awake. I jumped, being pulled from my dream, and rubbed my eyes. “Sana, Eren need your help with his ODM gear.”

Mikasa tossed my brown boots onto my bed, and I threw my arm across my eyes, grumbling, “Ask somebody else to do it, I’m sleeping.”

“Bertolt, Reiner, Marco, Armin, and I have tried everything and he still can’t get it,” she begged, “Please, this means so much to him.”

I propped myself up onto my arm, and whispered harshly, “I’m not going to sneak out in the middle of the nigh just to help Eren with his gear.”

Mikasa paused and then offered, “I’ll let you copy my homework for two months if you help me this once.”

“Deal,” I replied instantly. I threw the thin blanket off myself and put my brown boots on along with my jacket and cloak.

I followed Mikasa out of the girl’s cabin; we silently made our way through the dimly lit campgrounds praying we did not get caught. The only reason I was doing this was because of homework; I don’t care for Eren much, he’s incredibly reckless and aggressive in everything he does.

We cut through the trees to the training site, and I groaned as I saw Eren hanging upside down from the station just as Jean said he was. “Sana?” Eren smiled as he saw me approaching. “I didn’t think you would actually come!”

“I didn’t either,” I mumbled, and then instructed, “Bertolt lower him down.” I helped Eren off the ground and leaned against the wood structure, “So what’s your main issue?” I asked.

Reiner squeezed the bridge of his nose, and huffed in a frustrated way, “Everything.”

I raised an eyebrow at Eren, who replied embarrassedly, “Um, yeah.”

“Okay, so I guess we’re just going to start with the basics then,” I took off my cloak, throwing it to the ground, “Let’s start with belt adjustment.”


	5. Chapter 5

It had been three years I had spent at the training corps, and they were the best years of my life. I had truly made friends; Jean and Marco were my best friends and I theirs. We did everything together. I felt truly accepted by them. Jean and Marco didn’t care about my name, they didn’t care about my race, they didn’t care about where I had come from, they liked me for me, for Sana.

I had deeply impressed Shadis. He knew that I was gifted in combat and ODM, but during training operations, I had shown great leadership of my squad and was able to get us out of sticky situations with ease. My final report from Shadis said “Sana Rehman, the most gifted fighter I’ve seen since Levi Ackerman, but she struggles in the classroom. A natural born leader who fights to keep her squadron safe at any costs. Rasa would be proud.”

For our final day before graduation, Shadis had decided to let us have a bit of fun by having a fighting tournament. I had gotten knocked out in the second to last round by Annie, but it was fun.

We had gathered in the dining hall for our celebratory dinner which the training corps had brought in cooks from Trost to make us a nice dinner for once. We had beer and wine for everybody.

I sat with my best friends, Jean and Marco. I sipped my wine as Jean and Marco chatted about their future lives in the Military Police, Jean looked at me, smirking, “It would really be aa damn shame if you passed this offer to join the Military Police, Sana.”

“Not interested,” I glared, drinking more of my wine, “I’ve been around them my entire life and I’m not a fan. I don’t understand why you’re so deadest on joining; you’re going to be stuck doing grunt work for twenty years until one of the higher ups dies.”

“Because,” he chuckled, “I’ll be nice and tucked away in the interior, away from titans and lunatics. Plus, I’ll have a cushy job for the rest of my life and a sizeable estate. I want to live at least long enough to see myself get grey hair.”

“I’ll have to take you to Ehrmich sometime, because once you actually see the interior, you’ll change your mind,” I replied.

Jean narrowed his eyes at me, angry, “You’re throwing your life away, Sana. You’re so talented. The second that you step outside of Wall Rose you’re going to be killed.”

I slammed my cup onto the wooden table, spilling some of the contents. “Maybe it’s because I actually want to make a difference in the world, Jean! I don’t want to sit on my ass all day every day being compared to my mother!” I yelled, parts of the dining hall had grown silent and were staring at me, I lowered my voice, and growled at him, “I don’t need you telling me shit I’ve heard everyday since I stepped foot into this camp, okay?”

“Only suicidal bastards join the Scouts, Sana,” Jean rolled his eyes. I poured myself more red wine, I was going to need this.

Eren growled from the table next to us, “Shut up, Jean.”

Jean scowled, “You’ve got a point to make, friend? I’m right here.” The entire dining hall was silent and staring at us. Marco placed a hand on my shoulder trying to reassure me.

“Poor misguided, Jean,” Eren scoffed, “I don’t think your head will fit in the interior, anyway.”

Jean’s eye twitched in rage as he abruptly stood up from the table, people laughed at Eren’s quip. “Very funny,” he grumbled.

“Seems a little backwards to me,” Eren hissed. “Fine tuning your titan-killing skills so the brass will station you somewhere where you’ll never see one.”

Jean growled, “You’d rather have me be good at getting killed. Thanks, but I’ll pass. Better to play the system than get gnawed on.”

“You son of a bitch!” Eren yelled, jumping up from the table to grab Jean by his charcoal vest.

“Eren, don’t!” Armin shouted. Mikasa sprung to action, grabbing Eren’s hand and giving him a glare. She tried to drag him back to the table, but Eren wasn’t going to budge.

Jean, boiling with hatred, grabbed Eren by his yellow shirt, and shouted, “You think you can judge me!”

“If you rip my shirt, you’re dead!” Eren yelled.

“I don’t give a damn about your shirt! You pissed me off,” Jean screamed in Eren’s face.

Eren responded, “What? Are you crazy?”

What had gotten into him? Jean and Eren never got along, but he never actively went picking fights with Yaeger.

Eren knocked Jean to the ground, using one of Annie’s kicks. Jean writhed in pain, clutching his head, “Damn it! What was that move?”

"A little something I picked up this afternoon while you were busy making heart-eyes at Sana!” Eren barked. I hid my face in my hands, grossly embarrassed. “You honestly think the Military Police are your ticket to a good life? You’re not a solider, you’re a joke!”

Everything was silent, and the door to the mess hall creaked open. Commandant stood in the doorway, clouded by darkness, and he hissed, “Would someone care to explain the little ruckus I heard just now? I do hope everything’s alright.”

The two boys took their seats, and Mikasa quickly lied, “Sasha passed some gas, Commandant.”

Everyone started laughing. “Why am I not surprised?” Shadis groaned, exiting the mess-hall. “For the love of god, learn some self-control.”

I slumped in my seat, trying to disappear from embarrassment. I drank the rest of my wine in silence before I rushed out of the dining hall without saying a word to Jean or Marco.

Rain lightly fell from the dark sky. I didn’t know where I wanted to go, I just couldn’t be in the dining hall any longer. It had finally dawned on me that I was going to be losing my best friends tomorrow. There wouldn’t be any convincing Marco or Jean into joining the Scouts nor could they convince me into joining the Military Police. Again, I would be friendless.

“Fuck,” I whispered under my breath, feeling tears well in my eyes. I leaned my back against a wooden building, I think it might have been the armory, and slid to the ground. I wrapped my arms around my knees. “Why does everybody leave me?”

I wiped some of the tears from my cheeks using the sleeve of my black shirt. Resting my head against the wooden building, I closed my eyes; memories of all the bad thing I had experienced played in my head. All the childhood friends I had lost from racism, being harassed on the streets of Ehrmich, people ripping my old headscarf off, my grandfather moving to Stohess, Rasa dying, and now losing my best friends.

“Sana,” Jean said as he approached me. Noticing some of the tears still left on my cheeks, Jean asked in a softer tone, “Hey, what’s wrong?” He sat down on the damp ground next to me.

I quickly snapped, “Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Jean rested his head against the building behind us. “What’s wrong? You’ve been off for the past two weeks.”

I shook my head, sighing, “You’ve been acting like you’re twelve again and it’s pissing me off.”

Jean tilted his head, glaring at me. “You know that I know when you’re lying,” Jean placed his hand in mine, squeezing it. “Sana you can tell me anything, you know that, right?”

My cheeks flushed. “It’s,” I stuttered, “It’s, um . . .” Jean raised an eyebrow at me. “We’re graduating tomorrow. I’m graduating, you’re graduating, Marco’s graduating, everybody’s graduating, and after tomorrow I’m never going to see you again,” I cried quietly. “You’re my best friend, Jean. You showed me that I’m worthy of love and that I’m not an evil person. But you’re leaving for the interior tomorrow and I’m leaving for the Scouts.” I wiped my eyes with my sleeve again.

Jean’s face became stoic. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Jean took my other hand into his, and begged, “Come with me to the interior. I’ll make sure nothing happens to you there. You can make a difference there too, you can manage expeditions and advocate for the Scouts and still be safe with me.”

I cried, whispering, “Jean, I can’t.”

“Please,” he begged, now even more desperate, “I don’t want to ever leave you.” I couldn’t respond. Jean pulled me into a tight hug, and I rested my head onto his shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

Last night I didn’t sleep much. I tossed and turned most of the night, unable to stop thinking about what I would do.

I couldn’t throw away my morals and dreams to live in the interior because my friends want me to. I wanted to make a difference in the world; I don’t want to be trapped behind these walls for my entire life. Beyond Shiganshina, or what’s left of it, my grandfather told me stories about a great sea, cliffs, and dense forests that are outside of the walls – I have to see it for myself.

But, I’ll be utterly alone if I do. I won’t have any support from my family, I won’t be with my friends, and I’ll be outcasted like I was in Ehrmich. If I go to the Interior, I’ll be able to stay with my family, I’ll have Jean and Marco, and I’ll feel welcomed. I’ll never have this opportunity again.

Today, before graduation in the evening, Shadis had drafted the cadets to help the Garrison in Trost, since that was where a majority of cadets would be going. The Scout Regiment would be passing through the city from an expedition early in the day, and since I wasn’t really able to sleep that night, I went into Trost earlier than I had to in order to see them.

I had put on my uniform and ODM gear already, my freshly cut black hair was tucked behind my ears since it was too short to put into a functional style. I waded through the bustling streets of Trost, the morning sun shone down on the cobblestone streets and the vendors were busy at their stalls.

A small crowd had gathered at the south exit of the city, and I had spotted some of my fellow cadets, Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. Armin spotted me through the crowd, and waved to me, signaling to come join them. That was surprising since I had not really bonded with them over the three years of training.

I joined Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. “Hey, Sana,” Armin greeted me. They were also wearing their cadet uniforms, meaning they had the same idea as me.

I replied, smiling, “Hey guys,” I chuckled, “I guess that I wasn’t the only one who wanted to sneak out to see the Scouts before guard duties this morning.”

“Yeah,” Eren laughed, “I wanted to get a good look at the Commander and Captains before we get shipped off tomorrow.”

“You’re joining the Scouts too, right?” Armin questioned. The gates to Trost begun to open and members of the Garrison began to push the bystanders to the sides of the main street, so the Scouts had enough room to ride through.

I sighed, “About that . . .” The gate had fully opened, and riding atop a white horse was Commander Erwin Smith. His blonde hair glistened in the sunlight and his face was stoic.

He didn’t appear to have aged since the last time I had seen him. Erwin and Rasa had been good friends up until Rasa’s death; they met when they were only cadets and their friendship had lasted over a decade. The last time I had seen him was after Rasa had died and Shadis had quit his post as Commander of the Scouting Regiment, he visited the Rehman family home to deliver my grandfather a Medal of Honor on behalf of Rasa, and he had also had a meeting with my grandfather in his workshop to discuss private affairs.

Behind Commander Erwin rode Captain Levi on a black horse, his intense eyes scanned the crowd. Levi was another good friend of my uncle’s; he had taken Levi under his wing when he joined the Scouting Regiment, and the unique fighting style Captain Levi is known for is the same style of fighting that is used by Mid-Eastern military members.

“Yeah, Commander Erwin! Did you give those ugly bastards a thrashing?” A man cheered from the crowd.

The man in front of us shouted, “Look! It’s Captain Levi!”

Disregarding my peers, I quickly stood on top of a wooden crate so I could get a better view from the crowd, being that I was relatively small for a woman. The crowds were cheering as the Scouting Regiment rode through the main street, there were only a few wounded being pulled in a cart. This was what I had always dreamed of. The glory.

I patrolled the streets of Trost with a few Garrison Troops who weren’t really doing much to help the citizens. I was the only woman in the group, my cadet partner was Bertoldt, but he had wandered off to use the restroom. The two men I had been left alone with were not sober, and they were actively ignoring me but when they did acknowledge my existence, they gave me nasty and terrifying looks.

I stayed a few feet behind them with a single hand on one of my blades just in case. “It’s all politics,” the lighter haired man slurred, “All the higher ups want is to make more money and make the grunts do all the work.”

“Especially those damn Commanders,” the red hair man chuckled, “Ya know, I’ve only met that desert bitch once, but if I ever saw her again, I’d fucking cut her throat cause of the way she treated me.”

“Fuck, what’s that hurammi’s name?” the blonde man pondered. I gritted my teeth, hurammi was a word in the Mid-Eastern language that meant thief and had been hijacked by the masses as a racial slur.

The red-haired man paused and turned back to me. He glared, and replied to his friend in a hushed tone, “It’s Rehman.”

Fuck, Bertoldt, where are you?

I began to walk backwards slowly, my heart racing and my eyes were wide. Both men were glaring at me with hatred in their eyes, they were told my name this morning, they knew who I was and they knew what I was.

“What? You fucking scared, hurammi?” The red haired man growled. “You fucking should be. You sand cunts are the reason the titans are here, you’re the reason we’re stuck inside the walls.” The men began to walk towards me.

I turned heel, and I began to sprint away from the men. “Hey!” One of them shouted at me, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

I ran. I ran away from that situation as fast as I could; I knew neither of them were going to follow me since they were too inebriated, but I was terrified. They looked at me in such a way I had never seen before, I didn’t know if they wanted to attack me, kill me, or rape me, but I didn’t want to find out.

As I ran blindly through the streets, I heard a loud crack come towards the south side of the wall. A woman shrieked, “Not again! Not again!” I slowed my pace, and I turned around to face the south side of the wall.

Peering over the wall was the skinless face of a titan, steam billowing off its body. The red muscles pulsed as it stared down at the city of Trost. People began to scream and run blindly towards the inner gate. Suddenly, a massive crack rung through the city as the Colossal Titan kicked a hole into the wall just as he did in Shiganshina.


	7. Chapter 7

All of the cadets stood in formation behind the inner gate of Trost, tians poured into the city from the hole in the wall left by the Colossal Titan ravaging the city of Trost. Our fists were pressed against our chests and we stood tall and brave.

Commandant Shadis stood atop a parapet, addressing the troops, “I want everyone to get into four squadrons just like we practiced. All squadrons are responsible for supply running, message relay, and enemy combat under the command of the garrison regiment. The inner south squad will be taking the vanguard, cadets will be taking the middle guard led by the support squad, rear guard will go to the elites. I expect you all to man your posts knowing the advanced team has been wiped out. That’s right! The outer gate is history. The titans are in. This means the armored titan is likely to make a reappearance. If and when he does, the inner gate will also be history. Right, those in the vanguard be ready, the whole area is well saturated; your mission is a simple one, defend the wall until the evacuation is done. Now, be aware all of you that desertion is punishable by execution. If it comes to it, lay down your lives. Dismissed!”

Fear was hidden within Shadis’s eyes, their intensity was masking the pure terror he was feeling as he relived his experience three years prior.

“Sir, yes sir!” the crowd shouted bravely.

I was placed into a regiment with Annie, Marco, Jean, Bertolt, and Reiner; we stood by a set of pillars trying to ground ourselves. My heart was pounding as I wrapped my arms around myself, I didn’t know if I was excited or terrified.

 _"Before you leave those gates, you always feel a mix of exhilaration and terror course through your veins; you may never come back, but if you do, you’re a hero.”_ The words of my uncle rung through my head. Was this what he was talking about? You don’t know if you want to scream from fear or excitement?

“Why did this have to happen now?” Jean murmured, running his hands through his hair. “Just one more day and I’d been heading for the interior.” His fists were clenched tightly as he began to pace away from our regiment.

I quietly jogged after Jean, grabbing his shoulder, I asked in a hushed voice, “Hey, where are you going?”

Jean turned around sharply, fear was in his hazel eyes and they stared down at me intensely. “I guess you wanted this, didn’t you,” he scoffed, “You finally get to kill titans and prove yourself to nobody.”

My brow furrowed and my hands clenched. “You really think I wanted this? You really think I wanted titans to invade the city and kill everybody?” hurt was in my voice.

“What?” Jean’s face softened, “You know that’s not what I meant, Sana. Are you okay?”

I shook my head, “I’m sick and tired of being blamed for all the bad shit happening in the world. My people didn’t bring the titans,” I said angrily through clenched teeth, “We don’t want everybody to die.”

“Sana, I didn’t mean that,” Jean tried to explain. “Did something happen today?”

I took a deep breath and unclenched my hands, I sighed, “Don’t worry about it.” I turned around and began walking back to our group, and I signaled to Jean, “Come on.”

Jean firmly grabbed my shoulder, “No, if something happened to you today you need to tell me.”

I huffed, “The Garrison I was stationed with were racist, what else is new?”

His face became serious, and he asked me softly, “Was Bertoldt there during that? Did they touch you at all?”

“No, if they did then they wouldn’t be breathing,” I explained, “Bertoldt was taking a piss somewhere.”

“So, you were alone with them,” Jean stated.

“Yes, Jean, I was alone with them, but I’m not some weakling. If they even tried something they wouldn’t be breathing,” I was getting frustrated. “I can hold my own, you know I can.”

“Okay, but they were two adult men,” Jean ran his hand through his hair frustrated.

I shouted at him, “Jean, I’m not Krista! I’m not this delicate little flower that needs to be protected all the time by you. I could beat your ass, I could beat Reiner’s ass, I could beat Ymir’s ass; what makes you think I couldn’t take two drunk guys who could barely walk in a straight line?”

Jean’s face softened, and then he smirked. “You’re scared, aren’t you? you’re scared to see what’s on the other side of that wall. You don’t want to go over because if you do, you’ll realize that the world is a nasty, brutish, and short place and you’re going to change your mind about the Scouts.”

My jaw clenched along with my fists, and I kicked a rotting crate. “Damn it, Jean!” I yelled, stomping the empty crate to pieces, “Fuck!”

“Hey!” Jean exclaimed, and he picked me up by my waist to pull me away from the box before I could hurt myself. “Chill out.” I wriggled against his tight grasp, the warmth and security from his embrace soothed me. He placed my feet back onto the ground, his hands gently grasped my shoulders so that I would look at him in the eyes as he bent down to speak to me, “It’s going to be okay. You’re scared and don’t want anybody to know. It is okay to be scared. What’s that thing you always say? Something about exhilaration and terror.”

My faced softened and fear spread across me, my large brown eyes were wide in horror. I was breathing shallowly as I fought back tears. Suddenly, I pulled Jean into a tight hug, and his arms were tight around my waist. I listened to his heartbeat and him breath. “Don’t leave me out there, okay?” I whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

The smell of iron loomed in the air of Trost; rain poured from the sky. The ground shook as titans paced mindlessly through the town looking for their next victims. My dark hair was soaked in the rain, my hood had no way of staying on as I slayed titans.

My heart had stopped pounding in the hours we had been stationed in the city. The feeling of air beneath my feet as I flew between houses and alleyways towards the napes of the titan’s necks was like nothing else; the feeling of freedom was the same as inhaling your first breath of air. When my blades dug deeply into the neck of a titan . . . I had never felt more alive.

From atop a shingled rooftop, I shouted, informing the squadron, “Up ahead! There’s a nine-meter titan heading for the inner gate!” I jumped off the building, planting my hooks into a building up head of me. “Three of you, come with me!”

I held my blades in my hands as I soared through the air towards the titan, one of the blades was held backwards, but this was the traditional Mid-Eastern style and it was far more efficient when getting the job done. Jean, Reiner, and Annie also followed me off the rooftop.

I swung from each side of the street like a pendulum, gaining as much momentum as I could for my killing blow. My hair blew in the wind like a mess of crows, but I didn’t care; the feeling of the air rushing against my skin was euphoric.

The titan still had no idea that I was coming, I was fast, silent, and deadly. I lined up my final shot into the building right beside the hulking beast, and I let myself swing up higher than the titan was tall so that I would be coming down at an angle. My blades were out to my right side as I propelled myself down towards the nape of the titan’s neck; I let a small amount of gas out of one of my canisters so that I could achieve the signature and deadly spin the Mid-Eastern style was known for. I spun at a downward angle towards the pink skin that was my target, and as my blades made contact with the beast’s neck, it let out a scream as blood spurted out from it.

The titan fell to the ground, steaming. I bent my knees as I braced for impact on the shingled roof, and once my feet made contact with the clay tiles, I dug my heels in until I made a sharp stop. A smile had grown across my lips as I breathed heavily. This was where I was always meant to be.

Our squadron had been fighting back titans tirelessly the entire day, and the rain had not ceased. The flood of titans pouring through the outer gate was endless; we had fought ten? Twenty of them? The swarms had them of all sizes, all strengths, all bloodlusts. I was exhausted.

My teammates and I had camped out on a tall rooftop. Ten minutes ago, the Garrison had given the order to retreat over the wall, but all of us were either completely out of gas or didn’t have enough left to make it back.

We had been joined by Connie Springer’s squad after they realized that we were also stranded out here.

The new ODM design my grandfather had sent me to cadets with had two extra tanks of gas on the gear, but all four tanks on my gear were a third filled at best. I sat against a chimney next to Jean, my head rested against it as I tried to figure out the best course of action to take to get all of us out of here alive.

Memories of Shadis approaching my childhood home caked in blood came to mind. The rain was as unforgiving that day as it was today. His words describing how my uncle had fought bravely until the end echoed in my mind. _He allowed himself to die so that I could live! Shadis cried_. Visions of Rasa clouded my mind, it was the last time I had ever seen him. He stood at the door of our family home, his curly black hair illuminated by the sunlight. _He smiled down at me and chuckled, “I’ll take you to visit the headquarters when I get back, I promise, just don’t mention it to your mom.”_

Jean groaned angrily, “What’s going on with the supply depot? Where are they?”

I was snapped out of my trance. I looked to Jean next to me, and I explained in a defeated way, “They lost their will to fight. They valued their own self-preservation over our lives and barricaded themselves inside headquarters. Of course, titans have infested the place so we can’t get the gas ourselves.”

Connie shouted, “Then why are we waiting?” Connie looked to our thinned numbers. “We should be thinning their numbers so we at least have a chance! Sitting here on this roof is totally pointless, eventually the titans are going to come for us! Most of us don’t have much gas left, if we run, we waste it.”

“You don’t think I’ve thought of that already,” I glared. “Even if we did fight with the little gas we have left, we would be outnumbered. Even the veterans and the vanguard couldn’t take them on. We’re a bunch of rookies, Connie. Not even half of the troops would survive the initial assault, and if we somehow made it into the supply room, we would be swarmed by titans again. I’m not sending my friends on a suicide mission.”

Connie crouched down to the door, clutching his shaved head in his hands as he cried, “It’s hopeless.”

Jean slipped his hand into mine, squeezing it gently and reassuringly. I looked down at his pale hand entwined with my tan one; my skin was splattered with the blood of my fallen comrades. “I’m not leaving your side,” Jean said softly, “I promise.”

In the silence, the rain pattered against the rooftop and distant screams rung throughout the city. “Come on guys, it’s not hopeless just yet!” Sasha cheered, “If we all work together, we can make this happen, I know we can. Alright? I’ll take the lead.” Armin sat by himself, shell-shocked from witnessing the death of all his friends. Sasha ran to give him a pep talk but decided against it. He was the sole survivor of Yaeger’s group.

Appearing from seemingly nowhere, Mikasa joined the remaining cadets on the rooftop. “Sana!” Mikasa shouted as she sprinted to our group, looking for me. I stood up, leaving Jena’s side, and met her. She desperately asked, “I know how bad things have gotten, I know that it’s selfish, putting personal matters in the forefront, but have you seen Eren’s squad?”

I sighed, not able to look into her eyes. “No,” I explained sadly, “Connie only found Armin. I’m sorry.” She was silent. I could feel her heart-breaking, Eren and Mikasa had been like brother and sister. Before she let tears fall, Mikasa ran over to Armin, sprinting as fast as she could.

Even from ten meters away, I could hear Armin sobbing. Sitting back down, I buried my face in my hands, trying my hardest to think of a way out of here. “Sana, if we find a way to bypass or eliminate the titans, we can refuel our gear, right?” Mikasa stated, emotionless.

“Yes,” I responded, “but most of us don’t have enough gas to even get there. I still have aa little extra gas left. If we found a way to transfer my remaining gas to everybody else, we still wouldn’t stand a chance against them, even with you and I fighting.”

“I can do it!” She snapped, “I’m strong, really strong, none of you even come close, you hear me. I am a warrior. Know this, I have the power to slay all the titans that block our path, even if I have to do it alone. As far as I’m concerned, I’m surrounded by a bunch of cowardly worms. You disappoint me, Sana. You can just sit here and twiddle your thumbs and watch how it’s done.”

A girl from Connie’s squad shouted in disbelief, “Wait, Mikasa. Are you out of your mind? That’s crazy!” She looked to the rest of the cadets. “You can’t be serious, trying to take them out by yourself! There’s no way you can hope to beat them.”

She snapped, “If I can’t beat them, then I die. But, if I win, then I live, and the only way to win is to fight!” Mikasa jumped off the rooftop to attack the titans by herself.

I wiped the rain from my face, becoming stern; I knew what I had to do so that humanity could survive. I drew one of my blades from my holster and pulled the tubing of one of my tanks taught, I cleanly sliced through the rubber, plugging the end of the hose with my thumb.

“Sana what are you doing?” Marco shouted in horror.

“Come here if you need gas!” I shouted to the squads. Then, I instructed Jean, “Cut the tubing to my top right tank, make it long enough to transfer.” Jean stood up, grinning at my plan.

In no time, Jean and I had partially filled ten of the cadet’s tanks with my excess gas; I dropped the empty cannisters off the side of the roof. I stood at the edge of the roof, either I would die or I would live, and I had no idea which one it would be until I tried. “Come on!” I shouted, shooting my hooks into a wall ahead and launching off the roof.

“Don’t just stand there! We were taught to never let a comrade fight alone, unless you are a coward, so stay out of my way!” Jean yelled at the crowd as he jumped off the roof, following me to the supply headquarters.


	9. Chapter 9

I had eventually caught up with Mikasa. She was recklessly attacking titans and wasting gas; her red scarf was waving in the wind like a flag.

“Slow down!” I shouted at her, “We have to make it to the supply depot in one piece.”

Jean instructed the regiments behind us, “Come on, follow Mikasa and Sana! Let them do all the fighting if you can! Sana can’t afford to donate anymore gas.”

“Mikasa!” I yelled, trying to get her attention, “You need to stop wasting your gas!” Suddenly, Mikasa dropped out of the sky like a brick; no more gas was being expelled from the back of her gear, and her dead weight caused the hooks to come loose from the brick walls ahead. Mikasa dropped onto a shingled rood below us before she rolled off onto the muddy road. “You idiot!” I shouted.

Armin raced after her, yelling her name, and Connie instructed, “Jean! Help Sana lead the rest to headquarters; I’m going after Armin!”

“I’ll go with you!” Jean protested.

Connie argued, “No! Sana needs you to help her!”

"Fifteen meter!” I screamed, alerting the rest of the squad. My hooks lodged into the wall just next to the titan, and I began spinning with the Mid-Eastern technique. With a great force, I cut deep into the large titan’s weak spot, and it fell to the ground, steaming.

We had stopped on top of a rooftop to survey our path to the headquarters. The path we were taking was saturated with titans, but the sun had begun to shine through the cloudy sky. The building was in our sight but reaching it would be incredibly difficult.

Jean stood next to me, both of us had taken up leadership of our squad. Our teammates were resting as we tried to devise a plan to ensure everybody reached the supply depot safely. “There’s no way we can get to headquarters without dying,” Jean sighed.

“We have to try, Jean,” I looked up at him. “We either make it there or we don’t.”

Suddenly I heard somebody yell in fear as they fell off the building, smacking into the dirt road below us. I dashed to the side of the building where he had fallen off, shingles had been displaced from where he slid off the slanted roof.

A black-haired boy from Connie’s squad scrambled to his feet as small titans surrounded him. He fiddled with his ODM gear, trying to get the hooks to deploy into a wall; as the hooks were weakly ejected from his gear, he screamed in terror, realizing he had run out of gas. Two titans began closing in on him, the boy looked up at us franticly, begging for help. There was nothing we could do, if any one of us, no matter how quick we were, went to rescue him, we would be grabbed by one of the titans surrounding him.

“Tom, I’ll save you!” a boy from Connie’s squad shouted as he jumped down from the roof top to save his friend. He didn’t even have the chance to reach Tom before one of the titans grabbed him. He screamed loudly as he gazed into the titan’s eyes.

We watched in horror as both boys were eaten alive by the titans; the crunch was something I would never be able to forget. Blood dripped down the arms and mouths of the titans. Suddenly, a titan that was as tall as the building we were on appeared next to us, and it grabbed handfuls of our comrades. Everybody on the rooftop began to panic.

Jean suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders and began pushing me to the opposite side of the building, “Let’s go!” He commanded, “Make a break for the headquarters while their distracted!”

I followed Jean off the roof top; at this point I had no other choice but to trust his intuition. Our remaining teammates followed closely behind us as we skillfully maneuvered through tight alleyways and wide streets towards the looming supply depot building.

“Don’t engage them, just go around them!” I shouted as I spotted a group of three titans in our path. Jean lead us around the three titans, but suddenly appearing from behind a building was a fourth titan.

Jean’s eyes widened as this fourth titan suddenly grabbed his leg. I felt the blood drain from my face.

No, no, no. My heart pounded. This can’t happen. I can’t lose him. We promised that we wouldn’t leave each other’s side while we were in the city, so if he dies, I die as well.

I know I said to not engage the titans, but I wasn’t ever going to leave Jean out here. I rotated my hips so that I was angled in a way where I could launch my hooks into the building next to the titan who grabbed Jean; I launched the hooks into the wall and readied my blades to attack. I launched myself at the neck of the titan, spinning while doing so. Both of my blades dug deep into the titan’s nape, it roared in pain as one of my blades snapped in half inside of it.

The titan released Jean’s leg from its grasp as it crumpled to the ground, steaming.

We soared past the carcass. My hands were still shaking as I caught up with Jean who was leading us to the headquarters. The wind ripped through my hair, exposing how pale my face still was. “I promised I wouldn’t leave you out here,” I said to Jean.

Jean was about to speak when Marco approached us. “Sana!” he shouted optimistically, “You really saved our asses back there giving up your gas!” He looked to me and Jean, “We’re alive because of you two. You both make great leaders!”

“We’re not out of this yet,” Jean smirked.

We were quickly approaching the headquarters, and there was a hoard of nine meter titans in our path. I moved ahead of Jean to give him a better path to maneuver around the hoard.

As we launched over the nine meter titans, somebody in the back of our formation was grabbed, they screamed as the titan brought them closer to their mouth to consume them.

This was it. We were clearly in the path of the supply depot. I launched my hooks into the grey rock wall above a large set of windows. “Through the windows!” I shouted, placing my arms in front of my face to protect myself from glass.

The glass window shattered from me colliding with it, I released my hooks, and I fell to the wooden floor of the office space we had landed in. Glass shards littered the floor as Jean and the other’s broke through the windows; I tucked my head in as I rolled to the back of the room, I only stopped when I collided with a heavy wooden desk.

The breath had been knocked out of me. I was gasping for air as I sat up; my legs were bleeding from the glass cutting me. Jean rolled to a stop as well, resting on his knees as he tried to catch his breath for the first time in hours. I leaned my head against the wooden desk I had crashed into, my heart was still pounding. We made it, we actually made it.

Terrified whimpering came from inside of the desk. I could hear somebody trying to hold back their cries of terror. I peered my head around the corner of the desk, there were two crying cadets hiding under the desk covered in blood.

My face went blank. “You’re the supply team,” I stated in shock, “My friends died because of you. Why weren’t you out there?”

Jean leapt to his feet and pulled the dark-haired boy out from under the desk by the throat. He punched him in the face, screaming, “You cowards! You left us out there to die!”

The girl covered in blood ran to her teammate’s defense, she explained to us hysterically, “The titans were coming at us from every angle! They ran over the supply room!”

I sprung to my feet, and grabbed the girl by the collar of her uniform. Rage boiled inside of me, I snarled through clenched teeth, “Do you understand what you did? You killed people out there because you were too cowardly!”

Suddenly, the left wall of the office was obliterated, and a titan’s hungry face peered in at us. I released the girl from my grip, and Jean yelled, dropping the boy to the ground, “Son of a bitch there’s too many people, they can smell us!”

Everybody began rushing to the double doors at the back of the office, desperately trying to escape this new titan. Jean stood still, staring back at the titan. “Jean!” I screamed at him, trying to get his attention.

He wasn’t moving. I sprinted to his side from the back doors, and I grabbed onto his arm, desperately trying to move him away from the titan. “Jean you have to go!” I cried, pulling his arm.

A gigantic fist pushed the titan staring in at us away. A titan that was fighting its own kind was revealed to us. “What the,” Jean mumbled under his breath.

“Jean please,” I begged, tears welling in my eyes. “Don’t leave me, Jean.”

Suddenly, Connie, Armin, and Mikasa flew through the broken windows. I had assumed that they had all died in the city. Were they helped by this abnormal titan?


	10. Chapter 10

I waited in the armory with the other cadets while Armin, Jean, and the others searched through the supply crates for tools to use in the wild plan Armin had created. I needed time to tend to the multiple cuts on my legs from breaking through the windows.

I had almost lost Jean twice that day. I was ready to give up my life in order to save him. He means so much to me. I love him.

Jean emerged from the store room holding a dusty wooden crate. “Good news,” he announced, placing the crate on the ground to open it, “Courtesy of the Military Police and covered with a layer of dust.” Inside the crate were a dozen rifles; cadets began to unload the boxes.

Armin explained to the exhausted group of trainees, “Gun’s might not be effective against them, but they’re bound to be better than nothing. We’re looking at seven titans in the supply room of the four meters’ tall variety. If we time this perfectly, this much ammo ought to be enough to do the trick. Step one: we lower a group into the area via lift to get the titan’s attention. Step two: when the titans come within range, the group fires in all four directions simultaneously, blinding them, and then the hard part. Before the titans have time to recover, seven of us swoop down from the ceiling and strike their vital regions. That’s it, that’s the plan. It puts all our lives on the line, if we screw up we’re dead. That’s a hell of a risk for one attack, but it’s our only chance. Seven people have to slay seven titans in one blow, at the same time. We’re going to need the best of you. The seven soldiers most physically gifted and adept with their blades, you’ll be the difference between life and death for the rest of us. I’m sorry, that’s how it is.”

"Seems like a sound plan,” Reiner grunted.

“If you get right down to it, the risk is the same for everyone, so it doesn’t matter who goes, really,” Annie smirked.

Armin trembled. “Look, if anyone wants to talk me out of this…one half-baked strategy can’t be our only option, right?”

Marco smiled, “Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. Come on, what we’re looking at for our only option, it’s pretty well thought out. If we give it our all we might just pull this off!”

I interjected, “Okay, but what if somebody misses?”

All eyes looked to me. Armin softly explained, “Then we’re dead.”

I stood up, approaching the group, my legs stung. “The space down there is incredibly tight. I suggest that Sasha takes my place as one of the seven and I lie in wait up in the rafters incase somebody misses since I’m the only one here that’s had experience with ODM gear in tight places like down there,” I explained.

Armin looked to Sasha, “Are you okay with that, Sasha?”

Sasha confidently replied, “I was born ready!”

The gate to the lift opened, and a boy announced, “Alright, the lift’s ready to go. Guns are loaded to the stocks. Let’s go kill some titans!”

I crouched behind Sasha in the dark rafters. I had exchanged my broken blade for a fresh one; my blades were drawn, and I was ready to spring into action if needed. The seven titans didn’t notice the eight of us hidden in the rafters, they were too busy salivating over the cadets in the elevator whose guns were drawn in their faces.

A cadet, Daz, cried out in fear as a titan licked its lips. “Shut up, Daz,” Marco shouted. “Only fire when they’re all in range.” More of the titans surrounded the elevator. “Almost,” Marco said, beckoning the titans to come closer. As the final titan surrounded the elevator, Marco shouted, “Fire!”

Loud pops from the gunfire made my eardrums ring, and then the chosen seven cadets descended from the rafters to kill the titans. Their blades ripped open the titan’s skin from their necks to their spines, and five of them fell to the ground.

Two titans slowly turned around to face Connie and Sasha, who had missed.

“Sasha and Connie missed!” Bertoldt informed me.

“Sana now!” Jean shouted as the two titans approached Sasha and Connie.

I sprinted down the length of the rafter in order to get a better swing-angle for Sasha’s titan who was face-to-face with her. I launched my hooks into the wall behind the creature, and I jumped down from the wooden beam I had been hiding on. I readied my blades, and once I was in reach of the titan’s weak spot, I sliced open it’s nape.

My feet broke my landing against the back wall as Sasha’s titan fell to the ground, dead. I instantly launched my hooks into the opposite wall to deal with Connie’s titan. I swung my blades into the titan’s neck as hard as I could since I was unable to use the Mid-Eastern style in such a tight space, and the beast fell to the ground steaming.

I hit the wall, bracing with my feet. I released my hooks and landed on the dirt floor.

Sasha crawled to my feet, hugging my legs tightly. She groveled, “You saved my life!”

Tears flowed from Sasha’s eyes, and I quickly asked her, “Are you okay?”

“Because of you I am!” She cried, burying her head into my shins.

Armin shouted, “I can’t believe we did it!”

I had finally gotten Sasha and Connie off me. I sat in the supply room, waiting for the other cadets to refuel their tanks so I could escort them over the wall. I had already refueled and repaired parts of my gear as best as I could.

I was so tired.

“Sana,” Jean called me from outside the door to the supply room. He beckoned me, “Come here.” I slowly got up, leaving my gear behind on the crate I was resting on. Jean was the only person outside the supply room, and the hallway was dimly lit. I stepped outside the doorway and leaned against the stone wall next to Jean. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey,” I smiled.

Jean blushed and fumbled his words, “I, uh, I just, um. I wanted to say thank you for saving me out there.”

“Of course I saved you,” I looked up at him, half-smiling. “Why wouldn’t I have saved you?”

Jean stuttered, “I-I uh, I don’t know.” He turned to face me, making our conversation much more intimate. “When that titan grabbed my leg, I saw my entire life flash before my eyes,” he paused, placing his hand in mine and my cheeks blushed, “and the very last thing that I thought about before it let go of me was you and how much I want to be with you.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked softly.

Jean sighed, placing his hands around my waist and pulling me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and leaned my head against his chest; his head nuzzled mine. “I don’t think I’m going to join the Military Police,” he whispered.

I smiled, tightening my embrace. “Are you really not? You’ve wanted to join they day you started training,” I asked quietly.

“We promised each other we wouldn’t leave each other’s sides, didn’t we?” He smirked, and Jean looked down at me as I smiled, “I’m not leaving you, Sana. I never will.” I couldn’t stop smiling, tears of joy began to well in my eyes.

Jean smiled down at me. I hadn’t smiled in weeks. Jean slowly leaned closer to me, he closed his eyes and parted his lips. I shut my eyes and begun to part my lips and I leaned into Jean. My nose pressed against his, our lips were millimeters apart.

“Sana!” Marco shouted from inside the supply room, “We’ve got a group ready to go!” They had noticed my absence.

I opened my eyes and pulled my face away from Jean’s slightly. “Okay,” I replied, “Just give me a minute.”

Jean pressed his lips against my forehead, savoring our moment of privacy. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and my cheeks burned. “I’ll see you over the wall, okay?” I whispered.


	11. Chapter 11

I paced the streets of the suburb outside of Trost searching for my friends who were supposed to come over the wall after me. I was called to the Garrison’s office to give my statement about what happened while we were stranded in Trost; I had overheard some of the higher-ranking officers discussing how “Commander” Rehman and a section of the Military Police would be arriving in Trost shortly.

My mother wasn’t the commander of the Military Police, she was the commandant, which was directly below the office of commander. Most people thought she was the commander because she acted like she was, most people didn’t even know Nile Dok, the actual commander, existed.

From what I’ve seen and heard, Nile Dok is mostly just a figurehead now, and my mother hold most of the power in the Military Police. I wouldn’t put it past her to pursue Commander Dok’s position forcibly.

When she arrives in Trost, I know for certain she will exert her power over the Garrison in order to become Supreme Commander pro-tempore over all branches of the military; it is a power the high ranking officials of the Military Police can only use in times of crisis or insurrection. I’m also certain she and Commander Dot Pixis of the Garrison are going to have a screaming match over her taking control of the military.

I came across a table in the temporary mess hall that had Ymir, Krista, and Connie eating at it. I approached them, “Hey guys,” I asked, “Have you seen Jean and the others yet?”

Connie laughed and made a kissy-face at me mockingly, “Oh, I get it, you want some more alone time.”

I glared at him as he laughed at me, and then I smirked, “Maybe I should have let that titan eat you earlier.”

“Hey!” Connie shouted, “I’m just joking.” Connie looked over his shoulder and pointed to a circular table towards the back of the outdoors mess-hall. “He’s back there.”

The table in the back sat Reiner, Annie, Bertoldt, and Jean. I weaved through the tables, eager to see Jean again. His group had arrived so much later over the wall than what was planned for, and I was terrified they had been stranded again.

I approached their table, questioning, “Hey, why are you guys back so late? What happened?”

Annie, Reiner, and Bertoldt didn’t acknowledge my presence. Jean stood up from his spot at the table, he placed his hand on my back, and explained softly, “Come with me and I’ll fill you in.”

I followed Jean into a narrow alleyway, tucked away from prying ears. We stood in the warm sunlight, and I questioned, “What’s going on? What happened?”

“We’re not supposed to talk about it, but you deserve to know,” Jean explained in a hushed tone. “Do you remember that abnormal titan who saved our asses at the supply depot?” I nodded. “That titan was getting attacked by a bunch of normal titans, and when it died . . .” Jean paused, trying to find the words to explain the situation to me, “Eren came out of it when the titan died and said that we were all going to die.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. “Eren died, Armin said so,” I stated.

“I know, but he came out of the titan’s body and he was alive,” Jean repeated himself.

“How is that possible? He got eaten?” I questioned.

Jean ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. “Sana, I don’t know. This whole situation is weird,” he explained. “All I know is that Eren came out of that titan’s body and said that we were all going to die and that’s why the Military Police are coming to –”

The high-ranking Garrison member who had spoken with me earlier began walking down the alley we were talking in. Jean’s back was facing him so he had no idea he could be overheard. It would not be good if Jean was caught leaking highly classified information.

“Kiss me,” I whispered, pulling on the lapel of Jean’s jacket. I pressed my lips against his. Jean wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest. I had taken him by surprise, but Jean reciprocated my kiss.

His lips were soft against mine. Warmth had dispersed all throughout my body. Jean’s hands grabbed my hips tightly, and I draped my arms around his neck.

“Do that in private, cadets!” the officer shouted at us before he turned around and exited the alley.

Once I could no longer hear the officer’s footsteps, I pulled away from Jean, and sheepishly apologized, “I’m sorry about that, he was behind you and you were telling me things I wasn’t supposed to know and –”

Jean cut me off, “No, I understand.” His cheeks were bright red. I could feel both of our heart’s pounding in our chests.

The alley was silent. Jean stared down at me. Finally, he leaned in once again with his eyes closed and lips parted like in the supply depot headquarters. I closed my eyes and met his lips with my own; his hand intertwined with mine and his other hand gently caressed my cheek.

We continued to kiss each other for what seemed like an eternity.

Suddenly, a loud, earth-shaking boom ripped through the city. Jean and I both jumped, pulling away from each other and looking towards the source of the sound. We couldn’t see much from the alley, so I began to fear that the Armored Titan had made its appearance once again.

“What the hell was that?” I whispered, breaking free from Jean’s grip. The town was silent, everybody was looking towards the source of the noise.

We stood among a crowd of cadets and Garrison members, they were staring at a plume of smoke billowing next to the wall. Nothing was peering over the wall, but the Armored Titan didn’t need to see over the wall to strike fear into the hearts of all.

Breaking the silence, somebody screamed, “Look at the smoke! It got it!”

“Did it bust down the water gate?” another asked.

“Impossible! It’s the sturdiest part of the wall!” a person yelled in terror.

Reiner, Annie, and Bertolt stood up and began running towards the source of the smoke. “Not now,” Jean mumbled, “Is that titan steam?”

Reiner shot his hooks into a wall, propelling him on to the top of a thatched roof in order to get a better vantage point. “Come on,” I said to Jean as I began to follow Reiner up the roof. I shot my ODM hooks into the same wall as Reiner to join him on the roof of a home; nobody seemed to notice the group of cadets standing on a roof.

“What the hell?” Reiner mumbled under his breath. Then, Reiner jumped off the roof, launching his hooks into the wall in order to get closer to the source of the smoke. He maneuvered between chimney stacks and taller buildings, growing closer to the steam. I quickly began to follow him, if the titans had gotten through, I wasn’t going to let my comrade fight them alone.

Jean, Annie, and Bertolt followed after us, not letting us fight alone. As we approached the steam, I could see a large crowd of high-ranking Garrison members surrounding the smoke; aimed at the wall was a cannon being manned by Garrison members.

Reiner skidded to a halt on top of a roof that was closest to the source of the steam; wind began to blow the thick cloud away once I landed on the roof next to Reiner. I looked to him, he had fear written on his face.

With a final gust of wind, the smoke cloud disappeared, revealing a malformed titan carcass; it had a single outstretched arm gripping a cannon ball. My mouth hung open, I was in shock. Annie, Bertolt, and Jean joined us on the roof, unable to take their eyes off what was below us.

Then, emerging from the titan carcass unharmed, was Armin. The Garrison was screaming in fear. The man behind the cannon was one of the highest-ranking Garrison officers stationed in Trost, Captain Kitz Weilman.

“Halt! Halt!” Captain Kitz Weilman shouted at Armin. The Garrison regiment pointed their rifles at Armin, and Weilman asked him, yelling, “Is this supposed to be your true form, monster? I don’t buy it! I will give the signal to fire, and I mean it!”

Armin protested, still calm and collected, “Eren is not a foe of humanity! We’re willing to cooperate with military command and share everything we’ve learned about his powers!”

“Your pleas fall on deaf ears,” Weilman yelled. “He revealed his true form, and because of that, he cannot leave here alive. If you insist he is not an enemy of ours, show me proof! Otherwise, we’ll blast him back to wherever he crawled out of!”

Armin screamed, “You don’t need any proof!” Then, he began pleading, “The fact of the matter is, it doesn’t matter what we perceive him to be.”

The captain was confused. “What?”

“The reports say hundreds of soldiers saw him, and those who were there say they saw him fighting other titans! And that means they saw him get swarmed by the titans as well. To put it plainly, the titans saw him the same way they see each and every human being: as their prey!” Armin fought bravely. “And it doesn’t matter how else you may look at it, that is an irrefutable fact!”

Some of the soldiers started to lower their weapons, understanding Armin’s argument. Captain Weilman panicked, knowing that he was losing his troops, so he brashly commanded, “Prepare to attack! Don’t let yourself be swept away by his cunning lies. The titan’s behavior has always been beyond our comprehension, i wouldn’t put it past him to assume human form. He’s speaking our language…in an attempt to deceive us! I refuse to let this continue!”

Armin stood in shock as Weilman gave the kill order. He was hopeless.

“Reiner, what do we do?” I questioned, readying my blades in order to protect my comrades at all costs. Reiner was unable to respond, his eyes were locked onto Armin and the decomposing creature before us.

Armin stiffened his body so that he was be standing at attention and pounded his right hand over his left chest. “I am a soldier, and I have dedicated my heart to the restoration of humanity, sir! Nothing can make me prouder than dying for such a noble cause. If we were to use his titan ability and combined it with the manpower we have left, I believe we could do it. We could retake this city! For humanities glory, and what little time I have left to live, I will advocate his strategic value!” Armin bravely screamed in Weilman’s face.

“Captain Weilman,” a male soldier who was manning the cannon suggested, “Maybe his words are worth considering.”

Weilman shouted in protest, his pale face growing red from anger and fear, “Quiet!” The captain began to slowly raise his hand, it was the kill signal. I ran to the edge of the building, angling myself so that I could attack the insane captain.

Then, the unmistakable sound of ODM gear whizzed past the crowd of Garrison members surrounding Weilman and Armin; two people landed on the ground behind Captain Weilman.

A bald man with a mustache was on the right side of Weilman, his tan jacket bore the insignia of the Garrison; on Weilman’s left side was a woman with tanned olive skin and curly dark hair, her uniform bore the insignia of the Military Police.

“That’s enough!” She barked, grabbing Weilman’s arm to cancel the signal. Her intense, black eyes shot daggers into Weilman’s terrified face.

“You should really do something about your nervous disposition, Captain Weilman,” the older man chuckled, but was still deathly-serious.

Kitz Weilman looked to his left and right, and said to the two high-ranking officials, terrified, “C-Commander Pixis? Commandant Rehman?”


	12. Chapter 12

I sat in an uncomfortable chair in the large office of the Garrison headquarters located inside the wall. Like I had predicted, the Garrison had been taken over by the Military Police, so now my mother had sole-control over the Trost invasion.

My mother sat opposite to me, scanning documents with her reading glasses on. She hadn’t spoken to me in the ten minutes I had been sitting in the office with her. She knew I was there, she just wasn’t ready to speak with me yet.

The clock loudly ticked in the silence. The only sound that broke it was the turning of pages from the many documents my mother was reading.

I wasn’t close with either of my parents. My mom was always incredibly busy with her duties in the Military Police and my father worked fulltime at my grandfather’s ODM workshop doing deliveries and repairs at military outposts. My sister and I had mostly been bounced around from our aunt’s and uncle’s houses along with my maternal grandparents – my paternal grandparents had been murdered in a racially motivated attack, my father’s twin brother and his wife were also killed in Mitras.

I think that my mother resented me for being so close with her youngest brother, Rasa; she was jealous that I had a tight bond with him and almost no bond with her. When Rasa died, my mom tried to become closer to me, but it only made the rift between us wider; she became over-bearing and protective to a fault.

This was the first time I had seen her in three years; she never came to visit me while in bootcamp because she was too busy.

“Only fifth?” my mother questioned, raising her arched eyebrow at me, “I thought you would at least get second placement.”

“The written tests were hard,” I replied sharply. I was never good enough for her standards. I don’t think I had ever heard my mother say that she was proud of me once.

Mom removed her reading glasses and placed the stack on papers onto the dark wooden desk. “You’re in the top ten still, so you are still eligible to join the Military Police,” she stated.

“Mom,” I huffed, growing frustrated already, “You already know I’m not going to.”

She rolled her dark eyes, “Just trying to see if you changed your mind in the three years since you’ve been home.”

I leaned back in the upholstered chair, trying to get more comfortable. “Why did you take off your scarf?” I questioned. All my life my mother had worn a headscarf in public; in our culture, women were expected to cover their hair in public, it had something to do with religion. Mom always hid her hair while at work, always wearing a green, tightly wrapped turban.

My question took her by surprise. She shook her head, “I was sick of not being taken seriously, and once I took it off, all the pig-headed men begun to listen to me.” She was lying, I could tell that Commander Dok made her take it off for her own safety due to the growing amount of hate crimes in the military.

“Why am I here? I want to find the rest of my friends and make sure they’re okay,” I questioned.

“You’re here,” Mom explained as she gathered writing material, “because I want you to tell me what the hell happened in Trost and why nobody came to rescue you.”

“Do you want the whole story or just when we were left for dead?” I asked.

Mom sighed, “Tell me the whole thing.”

I huffed, folding my arms across my chest, and began to explain, “This morning, a little bit after the Scouts returned, the Colossal Titan busted a hole in the outer-wall like it did five years ago in Shiganshina, and Shadis and Weilman assigned me to a squad within the Middle Guard. We helped get some people to the inner-gate while fighting off some titans here and there, but then the Vanguard was completely wiped out, leaving the cadets completely stranded. About half of my squad was out of gas and the other half was dangerously low.”

“Where was the supply depot?” Mom asked, jotting down notes.

“I’ll get to that in a second.” I continued, “The signal to scale the wall was given, but none of us had enough gas to even make it that far. Eventually, I figured out a way to transfer my remaining gas to my team, and we made our way to the headquarters to see what was wrong with the supply team. On our way there, half of my squad was killed, so only nine of us made it back. We found the supply team cowering underneath tables, because the supply room was over-run by titans and they were too afraid to do their jobs. We took out the titans in the supply room, and I led a group over the wall while the others found Yaeger . . . like that.”

“Okay, I’ll have to speak with Pixis and Weilman about the supply depot,” Mom muttered as she continued to write down notes. “If I don’t fucking kill Weilman first.”

I smirked. “So what are you going to do with Eren after all of this is over?” I questioned.

“You sound awfully optimistic that we’re going to make it out of Trost alive,” Mom smirked. “If, and that is a big if, we some how make it out of Trost alive, the Military Police is going to take Yaeger to trial so that we can figure out what to do with him.”

“What do you mean ‘figure out what to do with him’?” I asked furrowing my brow.

“Well,” Mom leaned back in her chain, mimicking me by folding her arms over her chest, “Pixis wants to hand him over to the Survey Corps so that nut-bag Hanji and keep him as a pet, Dok wants to have him killed and dissected, but I’m not going to let him touch Yaeger. I want to use his titan abilities to our advantage so that we can finally escape the walls.”

I questioned, “What if Commander Dok gets his way and kills Eren?”

Mom laughed, “Oh honey, Dok never gets his way when I’m around. He’s as spineless as they get. Don’t worry about Eren.”


	13. Chapter 13

I exited the Garrison headquarters.

I sighed deeply; talking with my mom always made me feel like shit. I was never good enough for her. It felt like everything I did, every move I made was the wrong one in her eyes and all that I ever did was disappoint her.

The streets were flooded with soldiers moving in the direction of the main gate. I stopped in my tracks, watching the hoards of Garrison members, cadets, and Military Police run to the gate.

“Don’t just stand there, Cadet!” a soldier yelled at me from within the crowd, “Get moving towards the gate!”

I merged with the crowd of soldiers moving towards the gate. While jogging to the massive formation of soldiers in front of the inner gate, I fastened my ODM gear tightly, making sure I was safely locked into my gear. I assumed that we were about to re-enter Trost.

“The higher-ups can’t be serious about retaking Trost!” a cadet cried out, “We’re all going to die!”

“Are Rehman and Pixis that out of touch?” a soldier asked.

The sun began to set over the wall, casting an eerie shadow over the terrified faces of the soldiers in formation. The cadets were stationed in the back, the Military Police in the front, and the Garrison stuck in the middle.

I began to weave through the huddled groups of my fellow cadets, searching for Jean, Marco, or anybody I knew.

“The hurammi’s going to get us all killed,” a cadet snarled as I walked past him. “I’d cut her throat if I got the chance.” I stopped in my tracks.

I slowly looked over my shoulder at the group of boys who were staring me. “Hurammi wouldn’t be any happier to kill us all off, that’s been their plan all along,” a blonde cadet spat at me, “Isn’t it?”

My fists clenched and were shaking from rage; I was sick and tired of people treating me and my family like we were monsters or that we were lesser than them. I’ve been pushed to the edge.

“Shut up!” I screamed as I kicked the blonde boy in the stomach, sending him into a crowd of girls behind him. I didn’t stop there, though, I jumped on to him, pinning his arms with my legs, and I repeatedly punched him in the face screaming, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

His friends began to hit me back, yelling, “Get off him!” My knuckles were cut by his broken teeth, his and my blood mixed as my fists collided with his face. The other boys smacked and punched my head, trying to get me off their friend.

I would fight all them if I had to. I didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t going to let people treat me like I was an animal. I don’t care if I get kicked out of the military, I can’t let this shit keep sliding.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” I continued to scream as I beat the boy bloody. Tears streaked down my face.

Suddenly, a tall, thin man shoved one of the boys away from me. “Get the fuck off her!” Jean shouted. “Touch her one more time and you’re dead.”

Then, Reiner punched the remaining cadet in the stomach, making the boy curl to the ground clenching his stomach in agony.

Jean pulled me off the blonde boy, I protested, but he was much stronger than I was. “Sana stop, Sana stop,” he pleaded.

“That hurammi’s fucking crazy!” the remaining red-haired boy exclaimed, trying to bring his friends to their feet. I tried to lurch free of Jean’s grip, but I was unable to get loose.

Jean dragged me out of the ranks, into a small alley just next to everybody. The alley was dim, but lanterns turned away the darkness.

My hands were shaking, and my breathing was shallow. Jean sat me down on a wooden crate and he crouched in front of me. My eyes darted around, fearful I would be retaliated against.

"Hey, breathe,” Jean placed his hands on my shoulders, “Just breathe. Deep breaths,” he explained calmly. My eyes continued darting around, looking down at my mangled, bloody hands, looking at the alley’s entrance and exit. Jean cupped my cheeks, forcing my eyes to his, “Hey, look at me. You’re okay now. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

I took several deep breaths, and my heart rate began to level out. Tears ran down my face, and I hung my head in my bloody hands. “Oh my god,” I cried. What did I do?

Jean held me against his chest, stroking my spine as I cried. I cried for a few minutes. “I can’t believe I did that,” I stated, sniffling. I lifted my head from my hands, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket.

“It’s okay,” Jean reassured me. Jean held my bloody hands in his. “I’m proud of you for sticking up for yourself.” Jean weakly smiled, and he pulled a roll of bandages out from his med-pack inside of his jacket.

Jean wiped away the blood from my hands with a small cloth and began wrapping my knuckles in bandages.

We rejoined the cadets in formation. My mother and Dot Pixis stood atop a platform lit by torches raised above the soldiers. She stood at attention, her arms placed behind her and her eyes staring down at the soldiers below. There was no chance she could see my position from where she was standing, but it felt like my mother was staring into my soul.

Her face was stoic, unmoving; she had no fear. Light from the flames bounced off her ODM gear, my mom was one of the few Military Police officers allowed to have ODM gear and she was still incredibly proficient in using it; when I was a child, she would take my sister and I into the forest just outside of Ehrmich every couple of weeks to practice using the gear.

“Is that her?” Jean whispered to me as Garrison officers began to divide the cadets into squads.

“Yeah,” I replied, “that’s my mom.”

“She looks terrifying,” Jean whispered, moving closer to me.

I chuckled, “She is.”

“Do you know why Commander Dok isn’t here?” he questioned.

I explained, “Probably because my mom told him that Trost was going to be her job and he listens to everything she says.”

“Listen up, soldiers!” My mother boomed from the platform. “Today we will be reclaiming Trost. We will use Cadet Yaeger’s unique ability to our advantage to fill the hole in Wall Rose that the Colossal Titan made earlier in the day. You will be divided into squadrons lead by a captain; your duty is to distract the titan forces and protect Eren Yaeger at all costs. All orders will come directly from me, and all of you will do as I command. Is that clear?”


	14. Chapter 14

I had been placed in a protective squad for Eren; we were to kill any titans that strayed away from the decoy at the wall and advanced towards Eren. I was the only cadet in this small squad of Garrison special forces, my teammates were Ronald, Wendy, and Johan.

“There’s so many!” Wendy exclaimed, launching her hooks into a brick wall and jumping off a thatched roof. Three nine-meter titans had surrounded us. Many of the titans in the city were not acknowledging the decoy of soldiers hanging off the wall, and these titans were making their way back to the hole in the wall.

My squad was not directly in front of the hole, we were quiet far back, which meant we were having to deal with a lot of titans making a run for Eren. We had already killed 10? 12? I had lost count; the stream of blood-thirsty heathens wasn’t stopping. Four squads had been dispatched to the same area as us, and ours was the only one left – the other’s had either been eaten or they had abandoned post.

I jumped off the roof right before a titan smashed in the weak roof, crumbling the building instantly. Johan struck the titan with his blades, killing it instantly.

The sky was black, we had been picking off titan hoards for hours while Eren and his squad got into position. At any second the Armored Titan could appear and break through Wall Rose, and it would be the end of humanity.

“Ronald!” Wendy screamed. The sound of bones crunching in the mouth of a titan caught my attention; one hundred meters in front of me a titan had only Ronald’s legs hanging out of it’s mouth, blood dripped down the corners of the titan’s mouth.

I launched my hooks into a wall near the titan, readying my blades for an attack. I arced close to the ground so that I was able to get some air for my spinning attack; pools of blood and disembodied limbs scattered the ground, broken pieces of ODM gear littered the streets. I gained on the titan; I was now above it and I remained unnoticed.

My blades slashed its neck as I used my spinning attack, and the beast screamed in pain as it fell.

“Get out of here, kid!” Johan screamed in pain as a titan brought down it’s jagged teeth onto his soft body.

I stood on top of a tall building, titans had swarmed the area. Wendy laid against a chimney stack, she was bleeding to death from a wound to her abdomen. I looked to her; Wendy was breathing heavily, her face contorted in pain. Blood soaked her white shirt red, and her face had been splattered with her own blood.

I couldn’t just leave her there.

Wendy’s eyes were half open, and she was crying. My hands shook as I approached her; it would be cruel to leave her on this roof top to suffer for hours. I kneeled in the pool of blood that surrounded her pale body, and Wendy weakly shifted her head towards me.

“P-please,” she croaked, “kill me.”

Her green eyes were glassy, but they begged me to carry out her final wishes. My shaking hands picked up the broken off piece of blade that had fallen off her gear; my eyes stared back at me in the reflection of the blade.

She’s suffering. It would be cruel to leave her alive.

Wendy lifted her chin up so I could gain better access to her throat, and she closed her eyes. I brought the shard against her throat, barely pressing against her jugular. I have to do this. I can’t save her.

My hand was shaking so much I was afraid I would drop the blade. “Please,” Wendy begged. My breaths were shallow, and I felt tingling in my hands. “Please,” she cried again.

I took a deep breath and shut my eyes as I firmly pressed the blade into Wendy’s neck, and I dragged it across to the opposite side. Hot blood coated my hand as it spilled onto the roof; the blade fell from my hand when it became too slippery to continue holding onto.

Wendy made gurgling sounds for what seemed like eternity, and I was unable to open my eyes to face what I had done. The scent of iron attacked my nose, and it made me gag. I jerked myself away from Wendy as I vomited what little stomach contents I had.

When I opened my eyes, I saw my blood covered hands; I couldn’t look at her.

I fled from my station at the south gate; as the sole survivor there was no way I would be able to fend off hoards of titans by myself. I had to find another squad or someway to signal to the officers on the wall that the regiments near the gate had fallen.

Three titans ran the opposite direction down the street next to the path I was on; I was doing everything I could to avoid engaging with them so that I could save my gas in order to reach the wall. Suddenly, I heard familiar screams.

It was Connie.

I swiftly changed course. One of the titans was crouching down in front of something, so I quickly approached it from behind. Hacking my blades into the nape of the titan’s neck, it slumped to it’s right side, busting a hole into the home next to it.

Connie lay on the ground, eyes wide from terror; he was breathing franticly as he scrambled to his feet. He and Jean had been assigned to act as part of the decoy on the wall, why was Connie out here?

“What are you doing out here?” I asked sternly. Suddenly the two titans ahead fell, and Marco and Annie made their way to where Connie and I were.

“I don’t know any more!” Connie cried. “Jean and some crazy captain dragged us out here! I don’t think he had permission from Pixis or Rehman.”

I looked at the three of them confused; that didn’t sound like Jean at all. “You guys need to come with me,” I said. “All of my regiment is gone and Eren still needs protection.”

“But Jean’s still out there!” Marco protested. “We have to find him.”

I sighed frustrated, “Okay, Marco, you can go look for him because I might kill him if I find him. Just meet us on top of the big church by the front gate.” Marco nodded, and he launched his hooks into a building as he went to search for Jean.

“So what is the plan?” Annie questioned me.

Huffing, I ran my still bloodied hand through my hair as I explained, “We need to protect Eren; he should be in titan form right now trying to seal the wall. As far as I know that entire regiment is gone, so we’re his last hope.”

“Well let’s go!” Connie exclaimed, launching his hooks into a wall, heading towards the main gate.

Annie and I followed Connie’s lead. From our position, I could see that Eren’s elite guard was being swarmed by titans and Eren in his titan form was carrying a large boulder on his back to plug the wall. Multiple fifteen-meter titans were making their way to Eren.

“Follow my lead!” I instructed my newly formed squad. Placing myself in the lead, I skillfully maneuvered the tight streets of Trost, avoiding engaging with any titans not by the main gate.

One of the fifteen-meter titans was closing in on Eren as he neared the hole in the wall. Eren’s security detail was getting picked off by the swarms, and if that fifteen-meter reached him, Eren would be unable to fight back with the boulder on his back.

I was still too far away. If I wanted to kill this titan, I would have to use two full tanks of gas to get there in time. That titan stood between humanity and our survival; I had to at least try.

I began expelling more gas from my ODM gear, the wind stung my eyes as I flew through the city towards the titan. Yellow smoke billowed near the wall.

I fired my hooks into the large church steeple, here is where I would get my perfect angle. I readied my blades, and I was not able to use a spinning attack from my position.

My hooks released from the church’s steeple, sending me flying towards the nape of the fifteen-meter titan. Before I could relaunch my hooks into the wall behind the titan, a gruff and deep man’s voice shouted, “Out of my way!”

I was shoved out of the way, franticly launching my hooks into the wall so that I didn’t fall to my death, but only one of them managed to land in the hard stone of Wall Rose.

My left side collided with Wall Rose, and a sharp pain shocked through my body. Titan steam clouded my vision as my hook released from the wall, dropping me to the ground with a thud.

I gasped for air on my back, holding my ribs in pain. As the dust and smoke and steam cleared, the morning sun illuminated Eren’s titan form who was slumped in front of the boulder he had used to dam the wall. He had done it.

Standing atop the steaming titan carcass was a sharp figure. His blades were still outstretched, and notably, he held one of his blades the opposite direction, which was a trademark of the Mid-Eastern style.

The man’s green cloak flapped in the wind, the wings of freedom adorned the back. He looked over his shoulder at me; his black hair parted between his steel-grey eyes.

I had seen this man many times before in my life. He was a close friend of Rasa’s. Captain Levi Ackerman.


	15. Chapter 15

Jean and Marco never met up with us in the city. The last time that I saw Marco was when I sent him to find Jean, and the last time that I saw Jean was before we were sent into the city.

The order had been given to retreat shortly after Levi killed the fifteen-meter titan that was going to attack Eren, so I was waiting outside of the headquarters behind Wall Rose for any of my friends to return safely.

My left hip and my ribs ached in pain from when I hit the wall, but I don’t think I broke any of them due to my ODM gear taking the brunt of the collision.

Cadets, Garrison members, and the Military Police were celebrating in the streets over the victory in Trost with an endless stream of wine, but I was unable to join in their revelry. Marco and Jean were no where to be found; I didn’t even know if they returned over the wall.

Wendy’s blood was still all over my hands and clothes, and the gurgling sounds she made as she finally died kept playing in my mind on a loop. I wanted somebody to hug me and tell me that I did the right thing and that I didn’t murder Wendy; I would take my mom, Jean, Marco, anybody.

The door to the headquarters opened, and I peered over my shoulder, hoping it would be my mom so she could tell me that I was okay. Emerging from the double doors was a tall and thin figure, his face was frozen in a state of shock from being screamed at; it was Jean.

“Oh my god,” I breathed a sigh of relief as I tightly embraced him in my arms.

Jean stated, “I’ve never heard a woman use that many curse words before in my life.” He ran a hand through his hair, sighing, “I need a drink after that.”

Jean tried to pull away from me, but I placed myself in front of him. “Hey, wait,” I commanded, “What happened in Trost?”

Jean narrowed his eyes at me. “What do you mean ‘what happened in Trost’?” he question.

I folded my arms over my chest, and I stared into his eyes. “Why were you in the city?” I asked, growing angry with him. He was playing dumb in hopes I didn’t see his squad while I was in the city.

“I wasn’t in the city, Sana, I was on the wall,” he lied. “What are you talking about?”

"Don’t lie to me, Jean!” I shouted, now getting in his face, “I found Connie in the city about to be eaten by a titan, then I found Annie and Marco. Marco said that you and this rouge captain snuck into Trost without orders. Why? Why did you think that was a good idea?”

“Wait, you’ve seen Marco?” Jean’s face lit up.

“No?” I replied, “I told him to go find you in the city. Did he not come back with you?”

“No, I came back alone; I haven’t seen Marco since I lost them in the city,” Jean explained. “He’s probably fraternizing with the Military Police somewhere around here.”

I raked my hand through my hair, “Okay, but why did you go into the city?”

He sighed, “Because I wanted to make a difference. Being used as bait on the wall was doing nothing to lure the titans away from Eren.” Jean paused, “I realized when we got down into the city that I made a mistake.”

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” I smirked.

“Yeah, I realized that,” Jean chuckled. “Come on, lets go get a drink.”

The sun began to set on the suburbs of Trost, but the celebrations were set to continue into the night. Marco was still no where to be found, but he was probably still flirting with the Military Police somewhere.

Jean pulled me onto the roof of a shop to watch the sunset. The streets were packed with drunk Garrison members and civilians; technically nobody was supposed to be drinking and partying since tomorrow we would be cleaning up the city, but nobody was stopping us.

I had stolen two bottles of wine from a crate in the mess hall so we could relax in peace, not surrounded by shell-shocked drunk soldiers. Brilliant orange and reds marked the sky above us, and Jean’s hazel eyes glowed in the twilight. He took off his tan jacket, folding it into a neat pile to sit on, and untucked his green shirt from his pants.

I followed suit, taking my blood-stained jacket off and untucking my white shirt. Jean uncorked one of the wine bottles, handing it to me; I took a long gulp from the bottle before handing it back to Jean.

I sat down on my jacket next to Jean, my injured hip was grateful for this rest.

“It’s been a long day,” Jean remarked, watching the sky change colors.

I sighed, “Tell me about it.”

There was silence. “Did you think we were going to die yesterday?” Jean asked.

“Yeah,” I replied, taking another sip from the bottle Jean handed to me. “I was scared that I wouldn’t live long enough to do everything I wanted to in this life.”

Jean leaned back, gazing at me. “Like what?” he questioned.

I huffed, sipping again, “Well, I want to leave the walls at least once before I die; my grandfather told me that he came to this place after the walls were built and that he crossed this great sea to get here, and I want to see that place. He say’s he’ll never forget the smell of the sea or the wind blowing in his face. I don’t know if he’s lying but if that place is real, I want to see it once. What do you want to do?”

“You know,” Jean sighed, now laying flat on the roof, “I don’t know any more. If you had asked me two days ago I would have said I wanted to see Mitras, but now I’m not sure if I still want that.”

I laid next to Jean on the roof. We gazed into each other’s eyes; I felt at peace for the first time in days.


	16. Chapter 16

I had returned to the temporary barracks later in the night; Jean and I had spent a couple of hours on the rooftop looking at the stars and talking. I could still feel his touch on my skin, and I longed for more. All I wanted was to return to the rooftop and never leave.

I tossed and turned in my bunk. I was dreading tomorrow morning; we were going to be sent back out into Trost to collect and identify the dead, and I was terrified as to who I would find.

Could I live the rest of my life like this? I was terrified to lose the people I loved but the possibility of freedom lured me into the Survey Corps. If I lost Jean, I don’t think I could go on living. He means so much to me and has shown me what it truly means to be loved.

Maybe my mom was right, maybe I should join the military police. She guaranteed me a good position once I surpassed the trainee phase, and inside Wall Sina I would never have to fear losing anybody to the titans. Jean and I could stay together forever and be safe.

We had been given cloth masks and gloves to wear while we moved bodies in the city, and the stench of rot was overwhelming. Bodies and scattered remains littered the streets of Trost, blood and titan vomit was everywhere.

I assisted a Garrison regiment in the clean up process. It was so hard to look at the faces and or what remained of fallen soldiers knowing their last moments were filled with unimaginable terror. I understand now why Wendy begged me to end her suffering, because being devoured by a titan was a horrific way to die.

We would be in the city for days aiding in clean up, and after we finished in Trost, we would finally be graduating from the training corps. I had begun to doubt myself in my ability to handle being a member of the Scouts; could I handle all of my friends dying in front of my eyes? Was it worth the price of freedom?

If I could ask my uncle anything in the world, it would be how he was able to cope with the amount of death and despair that surrounded him? Was it worth it to see the rolling plains and dark forests outside of Shiganshina?

It had been days since I had last seen Marco. We were working from dawn until dusk everyday to clean the city. He was dead, I just knew it.

Once night fell on the third day, I joined the other cadets in the courtyard of the Garrison Headquarters. There were large funeral pyres stacked tall with bodies of our fallen peers; cadets gathered around the pyres, crying as the held each other.

Humanity had prevailed in Trost, but at what cost? The number of cadets had been cut in half due to the massacre at Trost and the Garrison had taken a significant blow as well. So many young and hopeful cadets had their futures snuffed out in an instant when the Colossal Titan broke through the south gate, they would never graduate, never see their families again, never return home.

Survivor’s guilt hung heavy on my mind. I could have done so much more to assist my comrades, but why did I not?

Jean stood in front of a large pyre; the flames illuminated his figure. I had barely gotten to see him since we returned to the city. His fists were clenched as he stared into the flames, and I couldn’t tell if he was angry or crying.

I approached him from the back of the courtyard, trying not to make eye contact with those who were being engulfed in flames on the pyre. Jean didn’t break his gaze into the fire.

“Marco’s dead,” he whispered, “I found him.”

I knew in my heart that Marco didn’t survive Trost, but hearing my suspicions confirmed made my stomach churn.

 _“Okay, Marco, you can go look for him because I might kill him if I find him.”_ That was the last thing I had said to Marco. I was the one who had sent him in search of Jean, but if I hadn’t, Marco would still be alive.

He was my friend, and I sent him to his death. Marco was good. All he ever wanted was to serve the king, but now he would never because of my actions. We could have searched for Jean together, so why did I send him alone?

Tears welled in my eyes. “I knew it,” I whispered.

We stood in silence. Marco always encouraged me to follow my dreams of joining the Scouts and wimping out at the last second would be a disservice to his memory. I couldn’t disappoint my friends anymore.

Jean knelt down in front of the pyre, and he picked up a small fragment of bone. “Sorry Marco,” he whispered. He stared at the bone fragment for a long time.

Would it hurt this bad every time I lost a friend? Was freedom worth the price of agony? Could anything numb the pain of losing somebody close to you?

Jean stood up, placing the bone fragment into his breast pocket. “I’ve made my decision,” he stated. Tears welled in his eyes, “I know it’s not going to be easy, but,” he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, “I’m going to join the Scouts.”


	17. Chapter 17

Today was the day. We would finally be graduating. I was terrified.

Jean’s announcement of pursuing the Scouts did little to quell my fears; if he joined the Scouts with me, I would constantly be worried about losing him. Jean meant so much to me, he was my only friend left in the world and our relationship had been elevated to a different level.

The titans terrified me; I would never forget what happened in Trost and what I had to do in that wretched city – I never wanted to return. I had witnessed the end of the world within those walls, but I had never felt more alive than I did on that first day in Trost. Gliding through the air while attacking titans felt so natural, and I don’t think I could ever replicate that feeling with a cushy desk job tucked in the interior.

I had to convince myself that Rasa and Marco didn’t die in vain; there has to be a way to finally defeat the titans and we can leave the walls. I want to see the sea my grandfather crossed when he was a young man, I want to see the vast plains and thick forests outside of Shiganshina, I want to prove to myself that I can make a difference and that I’m not a dirty hurammi.

I want my uncle to be proud of me. I want be prove that I’m brave and self-less.

 _"I won’t leave your side, I promise.”_ Jean’s words played over and over in my mind. I can’t leave him. I desired more nights like the one we had on the rooftop, to feel safe in his arms and free to be myself.

I want this, deep down I want to join the Survey Corps; I have always wanted this. Jean isn’t going to leave my side.

I’m going to do it. I’m joining the Survey Corps.

I stood in formation with my fellow classmates. Night had fallen, but large braziers illuminated the stoic faces of the cadets. I stood in the front row of my peers, we were lined up in placement order, and I had placed fifth, directly between Annie and Eren, although Eren had graduated early so Jean took his place next to me.

Commander Erwin Smith stood atop the raised platform, his blonde hair glowed brightly in the flames. “Good evening, I am Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps, also known as the Scout Regiment,” he boomed to the prospective cadets. “Today you will choose your regiment. Let’s cut to the chase, the Scouts need you. We need all the warm bodies we can get. After the recent titan attack, you now know first-hand the horrors for which they are capable. As well as the limits of your own skill. However, this battle’s aftermath gave humanity a new chance for victory. I refer to Eren Yaeger. After selflessly risking life and limb, he has proven beyond a doubt his unwavering loyalty to our cause. Hope lives in him. Eren didn’t just help to deter the titan invasion, he’s offered us a means to discern the truth of their origin!”

The crowd gasped.

Erwin continued, “Intel suggest that the cellar of Yaeger’s home in Shiganshina holds a vital secret regarding our enemy. We will form an expedition to find this secret. Find it, use it, and break free from the titan’s tyrannical hundred-year reign once and for all. Before we can reach the aforementioned cellar in Shiganshina, another problem must be dealt with. We must first retake Wall Maria. Of course, this is much easier said than done.” Two officers of the Survey Corps displayed a map of the southern districts. “And now that the gate at Trost has been rendered inaccessible, we’ll be forced to stage further operations from the Calanath District to the East. Thus the battalion route we’ve spent the last four years establishing is now completely useless to us. Over the course of those four years, we’ve incurred losses in excess of 60%. 60% in four years, that’s a horrifying figure. We’ve lost legendary captains in those years, for those of you who remember Rasa Rehman, he was set up to become the new Commander of the Survey Corps before his death outside the walls.”

My ears perked up. What? I had no idea Rasa was supposed to be the next Commander. He never spoke of that in his journals or letters.

“In one month from now,” Erwin explained, “We will conduct a recon mission outside the walls. Recruits from among your ranks will be expected to take part.” The crowd gasped. “I estimate a third of them will die, and after four years most of them will be dead. But those who endure will be amongst the most capable soldiers alive. Now having heard this dismal state of affairs, whoever still wishes to put their life on the line and join us, remain here. But first ask yourself. Can you give your heart? Can you give everything for humanity.” There was a long pause. “That is all. Those wanting to join other regiments are dismissed.

An officer meekly approached Commander Smith. “Commander,” he explained in a worried voice, “I think that you may have overly intimidated the cadets, sir. None of them are going to stick around.”

Then, floods of cadets broke formation. Annie, next to me, swiftly broke away, not interested in going on a suicide mission.

I breathed deeply. I couldn’t back down now. I was finally here. I didn’t care if I died, I had to make a difference in this world. If I could assist in taking down the titans, Rasa’s and Marco’s and so many other’s deaths wouldn’t be in vain. If I left this courtyard, I would be spitting in their faces.

Jean began franticly looking around at his peers, trying to decide if this was the right thing to do, but his feet did not move from formation.

Once you’ve seen the carnage the titans can cause, there is no going back. I have to stop this. I won’t let any more of my friends and loved ones die at the hands of the titans. Not ever again.

Only a dozen recruits were left standing in formation, and most of which were members of the top ten with Annie being the only one absent.

Erwin stared down at the recruits, his blue eyes scanning us. His light eyes met mine, and he stiffened his posture. He knew who I was immediately. He and my uncle had been very close, they had met in the training corps, and when Captain Levi joined the ranks of the Survey Corps, Erwin and Rasa took him under their wing; together the three of them were unstoppable.

“I ask you,” Erwin addressed the remaining cadets, “if you were ordered to die, would you do it?”

A cadet shouted, “We don’t want to die, sir!”

Erwin smirked, “Of course, let us hope that doesn’t happen then. You who stayed, you are now one of us. Allow me to welcome you to the Scout Regiment! This is a genuine salute, soldiers! Together we give our hearts!”

Erwin firmly placed his fist over his heart, and all of the remaining cadets mirrored his actions. We shouted in unison, “Sir!”


	18. Chapter 18

I did it. I actually did it.

I pulled my arms through the sleeves of my new Scouting Regiment jacket, the wings of freedom were embroidered masterfully on the back of the tan jacket. I had gathered my belongings from the Garrison barracks the cadets had been temporarily stationed in, and in less than an hour, the new Scouting Regiment recruits would be taken from Trost to the headquarters near Calanath in the east.

I was scared but I was excited at the same time. I couldn’t believe I had actually joined the Scouts. In one month, I would leave Wall Rose for the first time in my entire life; it wouldn’t be the same as the deep forests outside of Shiganshina, but it was freedom.

The transport wagon held the newest recruits as it was pulled across the countryside of Wall Rose; the recruits were silent during the ride as they contemplated what they had just done. Most of us would die on the upcoming mission outside the wall, the commander told us that, but all of us still joined. Why?

Was the Scouts such a suicide mission years ago when my uncle joined? Was he told that he would likely die on his first mission? If so, why did he join?

A gentle breeze made its way through the covered wagon as we passed a long-abandoned fortress; there were many castles and forts like that one that dotted the countryside of Wall Rose. My grandfather told me that he would hide out in castles and forts like those when he came over the wall all those years ago, and he always wanted to go back to one of them to see if there were any of his team’s belongings left or it had all been rotted away by time.

I never knew who I should believe in my family, my grandfather tells these outlandish stories like they actually happened but my mom reassures me that its impossible that he’s ever been outside of the walls and that there has been a small pocket of Mid-Eastern people living in Paradis for as long as there have been walls like there had been a pocket of Asian clan.

His stories all loop back to this man or thing called Marley and the Ackerman family oddly enough. He and his team were sent here by Marley to kill the king with the help of the Ackerman’s so that everybody could be freed. As I’m thinking about it, maybe my mom was right, and the stories are just the ramblings of an old man who can’t remember what he ate for breakfast.

But still, what if it were true? What if my grandfather had actually crossed the sea to kill the king on the orders of someone named Marley? It was unlikely, but it was an interesting hypothetical.

We had arrived at the headquarters by noon, and as soon as we had arrived at the castle, the new recruits were given a tour of our new and final home. The new recruits were lined up in formation as we listened to the cavalry Section Commander.

“I’m Section Commander Ness,” a man with a white rag on his head explained. We stood outside of the horse barn. He gestured to the stunning brown horse, “And this is my horse, Charrette. Fair warning, Charrette is rather partial to pulling hair, so I’d watch out if you don’t want to go bald. We’re glad to meet you.”

Suddenly, the horse barred its teeth and clamped down onto Section Commander Ness’s hat and hair. “Ow! Hey! Stop that you freak!” he struggled against the horse as all of the recruits stared in silence. “Can I get a hand here you guys?”

The rest of the first day had been occupied with a tour of the castle; we explored the mess hall, the laboratory, the training grounds, and everything else.

Night had fallen, and all the Scouts had gathered in the mess hall for dinner; it was much better than the slop we had been forced to eat at the cadet camp for three years. Jean and I sat with our peers, but had remained mostly silent as they laughed and made merry.

Jean hadn’t been the same since we discovered that Marco perished in Trost, the ambition had left his eyes and nothing had filled that void. I’m sure that I was different after Trost as well, but I never told Jean about what I had to do to Wendy, nobody knew but me.

He pushed the seasoned meat on his plate around, hardly eating anything on the plate, and he only stared at the flesh. I knew what he was thinking, he couldn’t stop thinking about Marco and what he looked like when Jean found him.

Jean sat to my right with Sasha and Connie both in front of us; I wanted to comfort Jean, but nobody knew about our blossomed relationship. Sneakily, as Sasha and Connie mindlessly talked to everybody surrounding them, I rested my hand on Jean’s leg under the table. It felt so good to feel his warmth again.

He looked to me, and I smiled gently, quietly asking, “You okay?”

Jean’s eyes quickly darted away, and he mumbled, “Yeah, it’s nothing.”

“You’re a bad liar, Jean,” I softly chuckled. “Come hang out with me after dinner.”

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder, causing me to jump. “Recruit Rehman, higher ups want to speak with you,” an incredibly tall and mustached male officer instructed.

“Oh, um, okay,” I stuttered, as I quickly stood up from the table. I hastily tucked my shirt back into my pants and straightened up my uniform. Jean, Connie, and Sasha stared at me just as confused as I was. “Uh, I’ll see you guys later,” I said quickly as I was escorted out of the dining hall by the superior officer.

I was lead out of the warm dining hall into the cool hallway, torches lined the walls. “Follow me,” the officer instructed. I did as I was told and I followed the tall man down the long corridor and up the stairs in total silence. We had climbed multiple flights of stairs until we reached the floor in which the higher ups had their bedrooms and offices. What the hell did they need to see me for?

As we walked down the long hallway towards Commander Erwin’s office, the tall officer broke the tense silence. “I knew your uncle,” he stated. “He was a good man.”

“Oh,” I didn’t know how to respond to that, “Yeah, he was.”

“Before he went out on his last mission, we played a prank on Ness and we moved all the horses to the second barn, stripped naked, pretended to be horses, and neighed at him for a good five minutes,” the man laughed, “Ness and Shadis were so pissed, but I’ll never forget that night and how hard we laughed at each other.”

I awkwardly chuckled. The man gripped the ornate door handle, and said, “Sorry, that story just came to mind. He was a good friend of mine.” The door opened, and the large office was ornately decorated with paintings and brightly lit.

Commander Erwin Smith sat behind his mahogany desk, his face stoic, and his hands folded on a large folder stuffed with documents. Captain Levi and Section Commander Hange stood behind him, staring at me.

“Thank you for bringing her to us, Mike,” Erwin stated. Mike swiftly nodded and exited the room. I stood in shock as I tried to deduce why I needed to meet with the three highest ranked members of the Survey Corps. “Take a seat, Sana,” Erwin gestured to the ornate chair in front of his desk, “You’re being reprimanded.”

I cautiously sat in the chair as I was being stared down in the silence. Once I was sat comfortably in the chair, Erwin explained, “What we’re discussing here is top-secret, meaning only the people in this room know about this. This could very well destroy the fabric of our society depending on what is discovered in these documents, thus the reason why this must stay between the four of us.”

“Nobody, and we mean nobody can know about this,” Hange stated, “Not your closest friends, not your family, not a soul.”

“If any of this leaks, it will be considered treason and all of us will be hung, got it?” Levi gruffly stated.

Erwin calmly raised his hand, indicating to Levi that he shouldn’t worry. “Can you read Mid-Eastern?” the Commander asked.

“Yes, but I’m a bit rusty, sir,” I replied.

Erwin opened the thick file and retrieved an old piece of paper. He placed the strip of paper on the desk in front of me, asking, “Can you read this?”

الحصة الغذائية لمارلي: التونة المعلبة

“Yes sir, it says ‘Marley Food Ration: Canned Tuna’,” I replied after pausing to translate in my head.

Hange mumbled, “There’s that word again.”

“We want you to translate these documents,” Erwin slid the folder towards me as he explained. “You will receive compensation for the additional work. To return completed translations, you deliver them directly to one of us and nobody else.”

I stared down at the paper, clearly seeing that it was once wrapped tightly around a jar or can. I had never seen Mid-Eastern printed onto something outside our small community, and I was surprised that the Survey Corps even recognized the language. “Sir,” I asked quietly, “Where did you find this?”

“That’s not relevant to you,” Levi barked.

Hange raised their hand, “She deserves to know if she’s going to be doing this work for us, Levi.” Hange explained, “A majority of the documents were found in abandoned castles and forts in the country, but the well-preserved documents came from Yasser Rehman, your grandfather. We tried talking to him about our findings after Rasa’s death since he was our translator, but Yasser wouldn’t talk.”

Erwin stated, “He said and I quote, ‘The true king would have me and all of my people exterminated if I told you anything about my past’.”

Chills ran down my body, and my stomach flipped. Even though Erwin was saying it, that quote was the most serious thing I had ever heard my grandfather say. Did that mean it was all true? If the Survey Corps tried talking to him about it, then that means that there must have been some truth to what he was saying.


	19. Chapter 19

Two weeks had passed by since I was given my special assignment. After training and learning the ins and outs of Commander Erwin’s expedition strategy, I had little time to spend with my friends or Jean; honestly, I don’t think I could even face them knowing all the new information I had gathered from the documents written in Mid-Eastern.

Was this all just bullshit? Was this evidence planted in the walls as a game to make us waste resources?

There was a lot of talk about Marley in the documents, but I was still unsure as to what Marley was. Was Marley a person? A place? An organization? All I knew was that the battalion of elite soldiers was sent here by Marley and they came from a place called Siran in the Mid-Eastern Coalition, whatever that was.

The battalion was sent to Paradis to kill the decedents of the Fritz’s in order to “finally end the line” on the orders of Marley. The assassins were to destroy the decedents quickly and quietly so that they “did not awaken the demons in the walls”. The bodies were supposed to be left in the chapel and the building was to be burned to the ground.

How would the battalion get over the walls though? Or did they arrive before the walls were erected? Did they just walk in through one of the gates? How did they make it so far inland? Why does my grandfather have these documents? Who gave them to him?

I knocked on the door to Captain Levi’s office. “What do you want?” his gruff voice barked from inside.

“It’s Rehman, sir,” I responded, trying to keep my voice down so that prying ears didn’t hear what was confidential, “I’m dropping off some documents.”

He paused, then opened one of the drawers of his dark wooden desk. “Alright, come in,” Captain Levi ordered.

I slowly turned the golden door handler of one of the double doors, and quietly swung it open just enough I could slip into the office unnoticed. Jean had grown suspicious of the amount of time I was absent from rest hours, because I would have to tell him that I didn’t feel well and that I was going to lie down in my room; in reality, I was hiding in my room with the door locked so I could continue to translate.

Levi’s office was dimly lit, the brilliant orange hues of the sunset cast light on the gold décor of the room. Levi sat in his chair behind his desk, his feet propped up on the desk as he stared at me with his intense grey eyes.

I approached his desk, holding the documents tightly; the air between Levi and I had always been tense, we both wanted to say something but neither had the courage to address it.

“Here are the documents, sir,” I said meekly as I placed the on his desk.

“Thank you,” Levi said quietly as he stared at me. He looked much younger than his actual age, but the look and lines around his stern eyes gave away his years of hardship. Levi, Erwin, and my uncle were all approximately the same age, well, they would be – my uncle would have been 35 this year. Levi, Erwin, and Rasa had been good friends until the very end.

I turned around to exit the office, a tightness filled my chest. Since the day I arrived, Erwin and Levi couldn’t stop staring at me, and I knew it was because I reminded them of Rasa. “Wait,” Levi said. I turned to face Captain Levi once again; he held a thick, leather-bound book and a wax sealed letter. “This is for you,” he stated.

Taking the book and letter from Levi’s hand, I stared down at it. “What is this?” I asked softly.

“Rasa gave me those before he left,” Levi explained, “It’s his journal and a letter he wrote to you.”

The letter was dated March 16, 846; ten days prior to Rasa’s death outside the walls. “Why did you wait?” I asked, staring at the letter.

“Your mother ran me out of the house when I tried to deliver it,” Levi replied coldly. “She said she didn’t want you reading his lies.”

My eyes scanned the letter over and over again as I sat in my bed; the night was late, but I was unable to sleep from fear of what tomorrow would bring outside the walls. The contents of the letter continued to fuel my anxieties as my entire world caved in.

_My dearest Sana,_

_I am going on a mission in one week, but I’m not sure that I will come back this time. We’re trying to reclaim Wall Maria from the titan invasion, but the odds of success are grim. The government knows we’re having a food shortage, and in order to keep the remaining population alive, they are sending new military personnel to their demise to decrease the population. I know that you don’t understand what that means, but I figured that you should know why I may not return from this mission. You are so smart. Watching you grow up has been a blessing. My dear, there is something you should know, and it is incredibly hard for me to say this. You may be upset with me, you may be confused, you may be angry at everybody, but that is okay. We did this to protect you because we love you so much. I am your father. I was so young when you were born that I couldn’t raise you; your mom, your real mom, died after giving birth to you. Her name was Farha el-Rauf, and she was so beautiful. Before she passed, she got to hold you, and the sight of you brought her to tears. I was so overwhelmed with grief that I was unable to raise you, so I brought you to your mom and dad; your mom always wanted to have children, but it was hard for her to have a baby so she was more than willing to raise you for me. I didn’t want you to constantly worry about me dying in the Scouts, so all of us made the decision not to tell you the truth. Looking back now, I regret never telling you. My daughter, I love you more than anything in the universe. I don’t think I will return from Wall Maria this time, so I wanted to tell you the truth and that I will always love you more than life itself. You were the best thing to have ever happened to me, and I regret never telling you. I will always be with you._

_Love,_

_Rasa_

Tear streamed down my cheeks as I read the letter over and over again. Everything in my life had been a lie. How could I know what or who to believe any more? Was I even sure that I was Sana Rehman? Was I an imposter who was switched at birth? Why didn’t my mom want me to know this?

They knew this whole time. Levi and Erwin knew the entire time that I was Rasa’s child and they never said anything to me about it; that’s why they constantly stared at me, because they knew who I really was.

Suddenly there was a knocking at my door.

I hid the journal and letter under my bed hastily, and wrapped my robe around my self tightly since it would be improper to let the officer at my door see me in my undergarments.

I exited my soft bed, wiping the tears away from my eyes and trying to pull myself together before I opened the door. I turned the brass doorknob and opened the wooden door, keeping my body hidden behind the door.

“Hey,” Jean smiled as he stood in front of my door.

I responded, “Oh, hey. What are you doing here?” I looked around the barracks corridor, the hall was dark, silent, and empty save for Jean.

“Can I come in?” he asked, dodging my question.

“Uh, yeah,” I said, opening the door for Jean to come into my room, and I quickly shut it behind him. “It’s pretty late, why aren’t you asleep? Tomorrow’s the big day.”

Jean sat down on the edge of my bed. “I could say the same for you,” he retorted. “I wanted to see how you were doing; nobody has seen much of you for the past few weeks.”

“Oh, yeah,” I replied nervously as I sat down next to Jean, “Some of the higher ups are having me do some extra work for them, so I’m really busy.”

“What are they having you do?” Jean asked.

My breathing paused. He can’t know. “Paperwork,” I lied.

Jean chuckled, “Why are they having you do paperwork?”

“Just don’t worry about it,” I chuckled in response hoping he wouldn’t ask more prying questions.

We sat in silence for a while, the sound of creaking floor boards broke it every few minutes. I wanted to tell Jean the truth, not just about the documents, but about my uncle . . . I mean my dad, but now wasn’t the time. Tomorrow was the expedition, and all of us needed to have clear heads when we left the walls.

I didn’t know if I could do that.

“Are you scared?” Jean asked quietly, putting his hand on my thigh.

I looked at him, his hazel eyes stared back at me. “Yeah,” I whispered. “There’s still so much that I want to do in life.”

“Me too,” Jean replied. I rested my head on his shoulder, letting my robe open to expose my skin. Jean glanced down at me, taking in a sharp breath. He moved his hand up my thigh, savoring the soft skin. “Me too,” he repeated.

I dropped my silk, green robe off my shoulders, exposing my white bra and shorts. Lifting my head up from his shoulder, I shut my eyes and parted my lips as I pressed them against Jean’s. I caressed his cheek as I softly kissed him; Jean’s hand made a journey from my thigh to my chest, groping my skin as it passed sensitive areas.

His hand held my throat as his lips softly moved down my neck, nibbling as his lips moved. I placed my hand on his leg and grabbed at Jean’s inner thigh, biting my lip as he made love-bites on my neck.

“Do you want to –” I was cut off as I asked.

“Yes,” he whispered, as he ran his hand over my breasts. “So fucking bad.”

I began pulling at Jean’s shirt, and I lifted it over his head, revealing his lean and muscular body. At the same time, Jean unhooked my bra, throwing it somewhere onto the floor as he ran his hand over my bare breasts.

I pulled away from Jean to lay down on my bed to take off my underwear, now completely exposed. My legs hung off the side of the bed, and Jean laid down on his side next to me. He wet his first and second finger before placing them on my vagina; his fingers circled the entrance, teasing me. I started feeling a build up of pleasure in my stomach as Jean teased me.

Then, he gently slid his two fingers inside of me; my mouth was agape as he stroked my inside walls. Jean continued to suck at my neck as his fingers slid in and out of me, and my breaths became heavier.

“Does that feel good?” Jean asked, his voice raspy.

I groaned, “Yeah.”

“Do you want to keep going?” he asked, increasing his pace.

I threw my head back, biting my lip to avoid being loud. “Yes, please,” I softly moaned. Jean continued to finger me, eventually finding my clitoris, and then he began to perform oral sex on me.

He pleasured me for ten minutes; I tightly gripped the bed sheets with one hand and gripped Jean’s hair with the other as the build up of pleasure in my stomach over flowed. I covered my mouth with my hand as I moaned out in ecstasy. My legs felt like jelly and everything was incredibly sensitive.

Jean pulled away from me, and smirked as he asked, “Enjoying yourself?”

“That felt so good,” I said softly, trying to catch my breath.

He stood up, quickly unbuckling his belt, before dropping his pants to the floor; his dick was larger than average and quite thick. Jean spit into his hand and lubricated himself. He guided the tip into the entrance and slowly inserted himself into me.

It wasn’t painful, there was some pressure as everything was stretched, but the pleasure outweighed the uncomfortableness.

As he fully pushed in, Jean groaned, “Holy shit.” He grabbed my legs, keeping them spread so he could have a good view. Jean gently began to thrust into me, and he moaned again, “Fuck, you feel so good.”

“Keep going,” I requested, grabbing his forearm. Jean began to increase his pace, and the pleasure began to build in my stomach once again.

I moaned again, throwing my head back as Jean became rougher, and he smirked, devilishly asking, “Yeah, you like that?” I nodded my head as I bit my lip, but he didn’t like that answer. Jean gently grabbed my throat, and grumbled, “I asked if you liked that.”

“Yeah,” I moaned. He stared going faster and my back started arching. “Keep going, please,” I begged.

Jean held my neck, his mouth hung open as his breaths became rapid; he whispered, “Oh my god, fuck. Say that again.”

“Keep going, please,” I moaned. His pace became much more sloppy, and his thrusts were deeper.

Suddenly, he thrust hard and deep, as Jean threw his head back in ecstasy; his hands shook and he groaned, “Oh shit, fuck babe.”


	20. Chapter 20

Jean had left in the middle of the night to get some rest for our upcoming expedition the next day; I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t stop thinking, well, about everything. Do I just pretend that yesterday never happened? I can’t have my mind clouded while we’re on the expedition, but how do I stop thinking about how my entire life is a lie?

My mom isn’t really my mom, she’s my aunt, my dad is my uncle, I don’t have a sister anymore since she’s my cousin, and I’m an orphan. Why didn’t he tell me? Why did nobody tell me? Were they ever going to tell me? Was I just supposed to find this out on my own? How long did Captain Levi and Commander Erwin know? I have so many questions.

I wanted to vomit. Everything was a lie. All the people who I had trusted in my life lied to me.

I stood under the running water in the women’s shower room, the lukewarm water jolting me awake; the stalls were lined along a wall with a large glass mirror opposite. Tears ran down my cheeks as I thought of my dad, Rasa; he never got to tell me the truth, and he would never know that I knew. The water from the shower masked my emotions, but my posture was closed off.

I couldn’t comprehend why he didn’t tell me or at least given me any hints to the truth; I worried about him dying in the Scouts anyway when I was his niece, so why did everybody keep this from me?

“Rehman, hurry up,” Ymir groaned from behind me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, “Sorry, just a second.”

Quickly, I rinsed the soap from my hair and body, and turned the water off; I wrapped the towel around my body, my wet hair still dripping. I exited the shower stall, and Ymir smirked at me, staring at the hickeys on my neck, “Somebody had a good time last night.”

“Shut up, Ymir,” I scoffed, walking past her.

“What?” she chuckled, “I’m just stating the obvious.”

After showering and getting dressed for the expedition, I made my way to the dining hall for potentially my last meal. The new recruits were silent, but the experienced soldiers continued chatting like nothing was different.

“Are you guys scared?” Connie asked, “This feels like Trost all over again.”

“Don’t talk about Trost,” Jean snapped.

“Hey man, we were all there, we all saw the same stuff,” Connie retorted.

Jean glared at Connie, “You didn’t see him, Connie. You didn’t see what he looked like, what they did to him.” He was talking about Marco. I thought about my friend every day; I wondered if he would have been different after experiencing Trost, would he have still joined the Military Police, could we have saved him? I think Jean was closer to Marco than he ever was to me and finding Marco that day changed him permanently.

“Did anybody sleep well last night?” Sasha asked, chuckling in order to break the tension.

“No,” I responded, trying to force myself to eat anything off my plate.

Jean raised an eyebrow at me, “You seemed really tired while we were _hanging out_ last night.”

“After you left, I couldn’t fall asleep,” I replied, trying to seem nonchalant.

Sasha perked up, and asked, “Oh did you hear that weird thudding sound last night, too? I kept looking out into the hall to see what it was, but nobody was there.”

Jean’s cheeks flushed bright pink. “No,” I lied, “I didn’t hear anything.”

“Really?” Sasha laughed, “It sounded like it was coming from inside the walls and I kept thinking I was hearing people’s voices, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Maybe the castle is haunted!”

I scratched the side of my neck, slyly trying to pull my shirt collar up to hide the hickeys on my neck. “Yeah,” I replied, “Maybe your room is haunted.” I felt like I was going to die from embarrassment; I forgot that Sasha’s room was right next to mine so she definitely heard us last night.

The Scout Regiment stood at the gate of the city of Calanath; we rode atop horses as we waited for the titans near the gate to be cleared. The church bell rang loudly, and I stared at the wooden gate. This would be first time I had ever left Wall Rose, and I would be one step closer to freedom.

A garrison officer alerted Commander Erwin, who rode atop a beautiful white horse, “Commander, the time approaches. The titans in the vicinity have been lured away. The gate opens in thirty seconds.”

The crest of Wall Rose stared back at me.

“This is it!” Captain Darius, the recruit squad leader, shouted, “The day has come for humanity to take another step forward! Now let’s show those titans exactly what we’re made of.” The crowd cheered.

“Open the gate!” The garrison officer shouted. Then, the iron crest of Wall Rose began to lift, and light from beyond the wall peered into the city.

Chills ran down my body as I caught a glimpse of the abandoned farm steads outside of the wall. Five years ago, this area was safe from the titans and the agricultural industry boomed in Calanath, now the city was barely able to stay afloat.

“Forward!” Commander Erwin commanded. Suddenly, the regiment began to move through the gate, the leaders charging through the precipice at full speed. My squad was on the flank, so we were unable to charge. “It had officially begun. The 57th Recon Mission! Scouts, move out!”


End file.
